Howard: Let's get going.
Sheldon: Are you gonna be this mopey all the way home?
Howard: I don't know, maybe.
Sheldon: There any chance you'd be cheered up by an amazing trigonometry riddle? (silence) Well, if you can't answer that, there's no way you're gonna get this riddle.

Raj: Oh, hey, hey, what do you think?
Bernadette: Just because it's a boy, I don't think you need to put a picture of genitals on his shirt.
Raj: But that's a baseball bat with two little baseballs. Okay, and now I see it.

Raj: You don't know what this little boy's gonna be like. Maybe he'll be rough and tumble, or maybe he'll be sweet and sensitive, or maybe he'll be all those things, like me.

Amy: What's up?
Leonard: Penny's been talking to my mother like they're best friends, and it's kind of freaking me out.
Amy: Okay I'm pretty sure they're not best friends. 'Cause you can only have one best friend. And Penny has that, and (clicks tongue) it's me.

Leonard: Oh, really? Is she FaceTiming with you right now? Because she's FaceTiming with my mom, and believe me, that is not a face you want to spend time with.

Leonard: Penny doesn't know how manipulative my mother can be. Did you know there's such a thing as reverse, reverse, reverse psychology? Because there is.

Sheldon: You know, studies have shown that people distracted by emotional issues are poor drivers.
Howard: What about people distracted by irritating passengers?
Sheldon: That would be hard to test, because irritating is a subjective quality.
Howard: Strongly disagree.

Howard: Then why don't you ever drive yourself?
Sheldon: Honestly, I barely passed my test. And the one time I drove on my own, I made a U-turn, got dizzy, threw up and walked home.

Beverly Hofstadter: Hi, Pen- Oh, hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Hello, Mother. How are you?
Beverly Hofstadter: Fine. And you?
Leonard: I'm great.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, it's been lovely catching up.
Leonard: Wait. Hang on. We need to talk.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, brother.

Leonard: I want to know, why aren't you proud of me?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, isn't the real question, "Why aren't you proud of yourself?"
Leonard: No, that is a question - and I ask it a lot - but let's stick with the one I asked you.
Beverly Hofstadter: But why do you think I'm not proud of you?
Leonard: Because you never say it. But two days into chatting with Penny, and you can't stop telling her how great she is.
Beverly Hofstadter: She is great. Honestly, of all of my children's spouses, she's the one that I'm most impressed by.
Leonard: Seriously?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes. She's confident, she's thoughtful, and she never complained about you once. I know what kind of strength that takes.

Leonard: So, Penny's your favorite?
Beverly Hofstadter: I suppose she is. You married well, Leonard, and for that I am proud of you.
Leonard: I don't- I don't- I don't know what to say.
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm also proud of how hard you're trying not to cry.
Leonard: (choking up) Thank you.
Beverly Hofstadter: Would you like to hang up now?
Leonard: Yeah, here it comes.

Howard: Now you're gonna want to slowly switch lanes.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Because there are only two, and you're not in either of them.

Sheldon: You're a good teacher. Your son is going to be lucky to have you as a father.

Amy: I thought we agreed on June 15.
Sheldon: That's the day after Flag Day. Everyone'll be partied out.

Sheldon: Why can't there just be one week each month for famous people to die?
Amy: Well, they've already arranged to die in threes. What more do you want from them?