Penny: Hey, how was your lecture?
Leonard: Oh, it was so good. I-I-I mean, it-it started great, and then the, the middle was great, and then the ending was like [imitates explosion]. So great.
Penny: Leonard, if you went to House of Pies again, just say it.
Leonard: [stammers] Wait, if you think I'm lying, why do you think I'm eating pies? Why don't you think I'm having an affair?
Penny: Listen, i-it's fine, just next time, bring me a slice.

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: I don't want to play anymore. It's too much pressure.
Wil Wheaton: Why, what happened?
Stuart: I've-I've said too much.
Wil Wheaton: You haven't said anything.
Stuart: Not to you, to them.
Wil Wheaton: Who's them?
Stuart: Ah! Now I have said too much!

Leonard: We know you were at Wil's D&D game. We saw you on Instagram. We just want to know how you got invited.
Stuart: I can't talk about it or they won't invite me back next week.
Leonard: So there's another game next week.
Stuart: I didn't mean to say that.
Howard: Who's in it?
Stuart: I can't tell you!
Raj: How do we get invited?
Stuart: I don't know!
Sheldon: How many hit dice are they playing the wereboar as having?
Stuart: 12d8 + 24. I mean, I don't know!

Raj: Cut the crap. We know where you were. We know what you were doing.
Stuart: Yeah, I just told you. I was at CVS breathing my ass off.
Sheldon: Oh, you were breathing, all right. You were breathing the rarefied air of celebrities.
Stuart: I don't know what you're talking about.
Raj: Then why are you trembling?
Stuart: I'm always trembling.

Stuart: Hey, guys.
Howard: You're home late.
Stuart: Uh, yeah. I had a crazy night. I went to the pharmacy. I like to be there when the new decongestants drop.

Leonard: Why would Wil invite Stuart and not us?
Bernadette: I know the answer.
Penny: Yeah. We all know the answer.

Howard: William Shatner, Kevin Smith. Who else could be there?
Leonard: Do you see what I see over his shoulder?
Howard: Is that a ghost?
Raj: I think it's Stuart.
Sheldon: That is Stuart. What-What's he doing there?
Raj: Maybe he died in Wil's house and he can't leave until he solves his own murder.

Raj: I wonder who else is playing.
Leonard: I bet we can use graph theory to determine who Wil knows and who is likely to play D&D.
Howard: Yes.
Leonard: Okay, obviously he's connected to the whole Next Gen cast-
Penny: So this is the rest of our night, huh?
Amy: Oh, no, this is the rest of our lives.

Sheldon: Guys, guys, Wil Wheaton hosts a secret celebrity D&D game.
Leonard: How do you know?
Raj: Who was there?
Amy: Why are you damp?
Sheldon: I was trying to peek in Wil's window, and he turned the sprinklers on.
Howard: Oh, that means they must be really famous.

Raj: Hey, you guys want to read my fan fiction mash-up, "Captain Marvelous Mrs.
Maisel"?
Penny: Nope.
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Certainly not.
Raj: You don't even know what it's about.
Bernadette: Is it about a superhero who finds her voice by doing stand-up?
Raj: That's so much better than what I had. Mine is just a Jewish girl that flies.
Howard: I'd read that.

Sheldon: Who are you playing with?
Wil Wheaton: Ugh it's just some friends, you don't know them.
William Shatner: Wheaton, get back here. Hobgoblins are at the gate, and you're at the door buying Girl Scout Cookies.
Sheldon: Is that William Sha-?
Wil Wheaton: Nope.

Wil Wheaton: Oh, was that a doorbell?
Amy: I didn't hear anything.
Wil Wheaton: [doorbell rings] Huh, there it is again. Sheldon, why don't you answer it?
Sheldon: But I don't know who it is.
Wil Wheaton: Maybe it's a special guest who I invited just to surprise you. Why don't you open it up and find out.
Sheldon: This is a terrible message to send to children. Children, you never open the door if you don't know who's on the other side. You always make your mommy or daddy do it while you hide under the bed and try to imagine what your superhero name will be when you avenge their deaths.
Amy: I'll get it.
Sheldon: But it can't be the Silver Shadow. That's mine.

Amy: Okay, imagine you're looking in a mirror. The image you see looks just like you. That's called symmetrical.
Sheldon: Now imagine you have a billion mirrors, and each of them reflects one thing about you correctly and a billion things about you incorrectly. And imagine the set of incorrect things are floating in an abstract n-dimensional hyperspace. Now imagine there was never a mirror to begin with.

Wil Wheaton: So you two have discovered something that a lot of people are really excited about.
Amy: We have.
Wil Wheaton: Now, before you explain it, keep in mind that our average viewer is this many.

William Shatner: Hello.
Sheldon: Captain on the bridge! Captain on the bridge! You're William Shatner.
William Shatner: You can call me Bill.
Sheldon: Ooh, can I call you Captain?
William Shatner: No.
Sheldon: Please?
William Shatner: No.
Sheldon: [whispers] Please?
William Shatner: Sure.
Sheldon: And w-will you call me Science Officer Cooper?
William Shatner: This has got to stop.
Sheldon: I think you know how to make it stop.
William Shatner: Put her there, Science Officer Cooper.