Amy: Sheldon, if someone were gonna do something ethically murky on your behalf, would you rather know about it or not know about it to retain your innocence?
Sheldon: Well, now that I know there's a thing to know, I have to know. Can't help myself; I'm a fact addict.
Amy: That's not a real thing.
Sheldon: And that's a fact.

Sheldon: Well, people used to call me egghead 'cause there were eggs on my head. 'Cause they threw them at me.

Bernadette: One time my brothers made me breathe helium. I tried to call for help, but the only one who could hear me was the dog.
Sheldon: That's also terrible. My goodness, you had to live in a house with a dog.

Penny: This place is amazing. I can't believe you got us in here.
Anu: Well, it's kind of my job. Usually I get tipped for it, but I'll leave that up to you.

Raj: Sheldon, you sure you're ready for this? This movie's pretty scary.
Sheldon: Please. I'm an adult. I think I can handle it.
Leonard: That's what you said about the butterfly pavilion at the zoo.
Sheldon: That was my fault. After I pet that goat, I felt like a gladiator.

Tam: So, is he here?
Leonard: Uh, no. He didn't come. He's, uh, he's still pretty upset about ... you know.
Tam: I know what?
Leonard: Come on, you-you must know.
Tam: No, we haven't talked in, like, 20 years.
Howard: Right. Because ... you know.
Raj: I don't think he knows.
Tam: What are you guys talking about?
Leonard: Why did you and Sheldon stop being friends? What did you do?
Raj: And don't worry, even though we just met you, we think you're right and he's wrong.

Leonard: No, I'm not going to reconsider. Your request was denied. I don't care if it helps you think; you don't need a koi pond in your office. Well, you should have thought about that before you bought the koi!
Penny: Wow. That was a little rough.
Leonard: Well, I have to be. Everyone assumes I'm just gonna give them whatever they want.
Penny: Hmm. But you're not, are you?
Leonard: No, I'm not. I mean, look at this. An espresso machine? I don't think so. Denied!
Penny: Wow, I really like this side of you.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Yeah, just so decisive.
Leonard: Well, check this out. A standing desk. Denied!
Penny: Oh!
Leonard: If you want to stand, do it on your own time, 'cause I'm the boss.
Penny: Yeah, you are.

Sheldon: Leonard, I just wanted to congratulate you on how well you are managing this grant money.
Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: Nothing. I just came by to pay you a compliment.
Leonard: Nice try. The answer's no.
Sheldon: To what? I'm not asking you for anything. All I need for my job is right here.
Hmm? This is my office. Which makes for a great commute. Home, work, home. I'm still working, I'm just working from home.
Penny: You know, if it's that easy, then why does Leonard have to drive you to work every day?
Sheldon: Because I like the frozen yogurt machine in the cafeteria. Ooh, I suppose I could use a frozen yogurt machine-
Leonard: Denied!

Leonard: Can't believe it. Sheldon loves telling on people when they break the rules.
Penny: Yeah, well, maybe he's changed.
Leonard: He hasn't changed. Last week, when the vending machine gave me two bags of chips, he called my mom.
Penny: Well, that didn't ruin your life.
Leonard: Well, it ruined my day. I had to talk to my mom, who, by the way, is-is polyamorous now, so that's fun to think about.

Bernadette: It's just that work's been crazy, and the minute I get home, I have two kids hanging on me, and sometimes I don't want babies pulling my hair and pinching my belly fat.
Penny: That'd be a good slogan for a condom company.

Doctor Lee: Oh, Dr. Hofstadter, did you have a chance to look over my proposal?
Leonard: I did, and your research is fascinating. I had no idea that crows were that smart. Do they really hold grudges?
Doctor Lee: They do. One of them escaped from my behavioral study a year ago. I can't prove it's him, but something craps on my car every day.

Howard: Engage them for a minute and take note of their reactions.
Leonard: There's something familiar about all this.
Howard: Okay, go.
Sheldon: Hello, baby. Are you having a pleasant day?
Leonard: Oh, my G-- This is my entire childhood.
Sheldon: Leonard, Leonard, you're tainting my data.
Leonard: Uh, it's like word for word.

Leonard: Tam Nguyen?
Tam: Yes. Is my son done with his tour?
Howard: No idea. We're actually friends of Sheldon Cooper.
Tam: Oh, I've been trying to get in touch with him, but I never heard back. Is he okay?
Leonard: Well, if you mean physically, yes.
Howard: If you mean every other way, no.

Penny: Someone's making decisions.
Leonard: I'm reviewing these proposals.
Penny: Yeah. 'Cause you're the boss man, telling people what's what. I like it.
Leonard: (whining) It's just so hard! All-all three of these proposals have merit. How do I choose?
Penny: Well, not with that voice.

Tam: Sheldon! So good to see you!
Sheldon: Tam.
Tam: It's been a long time.
Sheldon: Mm, not long enough to erase the sting of betrayal.
Tam: How did I betray you?
Sheldon: You know what you did.
Raj: Uh, let me catch you up. He does not.