Bernadette: Sounds fun. Can I play?
Howard: I don't know if you'd like it. It's kind of for gamers.
Bernadette: Hey, I'm a gamer. I play Candy Crush, Bejeweled, and Sesame Street Letter School, which I beat our daughter at every single time.

Howard: This one's how you move, this is how you shoot. "A" jumps, "B" puts you into build mode.
Raj: And depending on what you want to build, you can use LB, RB, LT, or RT.
Bernadette: Just put me in, I'll figure it out.
Howard: Oh, sounds like me on our honeymoon.
Raj: Okay, you're skydiving down. You're almost to the ground. Now, when you land, you're gonna want- (gunfire) Okay, you're dead.
Bernadette: Wait, that's it? That wasn't fun at all.
Howard: Oh, now it sounds like you on our honeymoon.

Leonard: Thanks for helping with this.
Raj: What are friends for?
Leonard: My friend sent me down to this basement to do his grunt work, so I wouldn't know.

Raj: Hey, probably shouldn't say anything, but did you hear about Sheldon and the lunch lady?
Leonard: Yeah, uh, that's not true. That's just something Sheldon made up to test us.
Raj: I wish I'd known that before I called her a floozy in front of the whole lunch line.

Leonard: This is a list of the papers we need to pull. Why don't we split up? You take half, I take half.
Raj: I don't know, it's pretty creepy down here. Maybe we should stay together.
Leonard: Come on, Raj, it's just a library.
Raj: You could say that about anything. It's just a cemetery. It's just a haunted house.
It's just a portal to hell.

Leonard: Fine, how about we split up but we stay in constant communication with each other?
Raj: Yeah, thank you. Leonard?
Leonard: Still here.
Raj: Okay. Leonard?
Leonard: Still here.
Raj: Okay. Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: (Leonard gasps) Oh, God! Too much dust.

Penny: Hey, ready for lunch?
Bernadette: Hang on.
Penny: Really, video games? Is this some sort of Freaky Friday thing where you're actually Howard?
Bernadette: Please, if I were Howard, I'd be doing this. [looks down at her breasts] You know what? He's not wrong.

Penny: All right, great, can we go?
Bernadette: In a minute. I want to show Howard I can play this game.
Penny: You know, you make a lot more money than he does. Can't you just rub his nose in that?
Bernadette: I can, but I want to rub his nose in this.

Raj: Okay, this citation is correct. How you doing?
Leonard: Pretty good. I'm just looking through "The Effect of High Energy Muons on Proton Pion Scattering at the National Accelerator-" (inhales) "-Laboratory."
Raj: Hey, should we take a break?
Leonard: No, this actually makes it more exciting. We have to get through all of this before I run out of this.
Raj: It's like the movie Speed, but instead of a bus, it's your lungs. And instead of Sandra Bullock, it has sadness.

Leonard: Why did you pull this Russian paper?
Raj: Oh, it was cited in this paper over here, so I thought we should check it out.
Leonard: Mm, it's not translated. Maybe we should talk to Howard; his Russian's pretty good.
Raj: We don't need Howard. I've got Google Translate. Okay, here we go, from Russian to English. "Examinations of moose chowder in lemon parachutes." Yeah, okay, now I know why this app is free.

Howard: Oh, gosh, my Russian's a little rusty.
Raj: If it helps, this word may be "moose."

Howard: This paper is called "Examinations of a Super-Asymmetric Model of the Universe" by Dr. Vasily Gregora-poli-popivich.
Leonard: W-Wait, so Amy and Sheldon weren't the first to think of super-asymmetry?
Howard: No, doesn't look like it. This is from 1978.
Leonard: Okay, well, they might need to rename their theory "The Cooper-Fowler Gregora-poli-popivich Theory."
Howard: Kind of rolls right off your tongue, doesn't it?

Leonard: Sheldon is not gonna be happy about this.
Howard: Well, he's gonna be less happy about this: "The super-asymmetric model is inherently flawed and does not bear the weight of further examination."
Leonard: Hmm. So this disproves their theory?
Howard: Sounds like it.
Leonard: Oh, how are we gonna tell him?
Howard: That's easy. Just go up to him and say, "Sheldon, Raj has something to tell you."

Raj: Why do I have to tell him?
Leonard: You did find it.
Raj: But he's the one who translated it.
Leonard: Okay, okay, how about this? We all tell him.
Howard: Or even better: you tell him.
Raj: Yeah, that makes the most sense.
Leonard: You guys are such cowards.
Howard: Yes, we are.

Bernadette: Hey, Denise. Is Stuart here?
Denise: Oh, no. Doctor's appointment.
Bernadette: Oh, is he okay?
Denise: Not since I've known him.