Sheldon: Well, people used to call me egghead 'cause there were eggs on my head. 'Cause they threw them at me.

Bernadette: One time my brothers made me breathe helium. I tried to call for help, but the only one who could hear me was the dog.
Sheldon: That's also terrible. My goodness, you had to live in a house with a dog.

Bernadette: I guess we both had to put up with a lot of crap from people.
Sheldon: I suppose we have. Huh. Maybe you and I are more alike than we thought.
Bernadette: Maybe we are.
Sheldon: Although I'm exceptionally tall, and you're exceptionally-
Bernadette: Sheldon.
Sheldon: You didn't even let me finish.
Bernadette: Fine. Sorry.
Sheldon: Short.

Sheldon: I think Howard hurting my feelings has in some ways made me a better person.
Amy: Hmm. Look at you, improving on perfection. How so?
Sheldon: As you were eating that Danish, I wanted to point out that the Danish isn't Danish at all. It was imported by Austrian bakers during a labor dispute in the 1800s. But I chose not to, because I didn't want to be the kind of fella who foists unwanted facts about European pastries on the unwilling.
Amy: Huh. That's actually interesting.
Sheldon: Sorry. Now you'll never know.

Howard: Hey, guys, I need your help. Bernadette's still pretty upset about your costumes.
Sheldon: She's upset? Those pants I wore to make fun of you were so tight, I risked a testicular hernia.

Howard: Anyway, if you guys could apologize, it'd be a big help.
Amy: Oh, we'd be happy to apologize to her as soon as she apologizes to me for not making you apologize to Sheldon.
Howard: I didn't follow that, but, then, between my wife and that guacamole, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Amy: Don't you think it's unreasonable for her to ask us to do something she refused to do?
Howard: Yes. So when can you stop by?

Sheldon: I don't understand. If it's unreasonable, why should we do it?
Howard: Okay, how about this? You know in Star Wars when R2 and Chewbacca were playing holochess?
Amy: Really? Star Wars?
Sheldon: Amy, let the man speak.

Howard: Well, Chewbacca was losing and getting angry and-
Sheldon: W-W-Wait. Are you saying we should let the Wookiee win?
Howard: Hey. Hey, that's my wife you're talking about. (whispers) But yes, let the Wookiee win.

Bernadette: Can't believe Amy did that.
Howard: Oh, come on. You thought it was funny when I dressed up as Sheldon.
Bernadette: That was totally different.
Howard: How?
Bernadette: That didn't hurt my feelings.

Howard: Well, for what it's worth, I didn't think it was a very good impression of you.
Bernadette: Really? You don't think I have an annoying high-pitched voice?
Howard: No, not at all. In fact, I find your voice quite melodious.
Bernadette: Mm-hmm. And you don't think I'm unnecessarily hurtful?
Howard: What? I'm sorry. I-I couldn't hear the question. I just heard the music.

Penny: Well, people came, they ate, they vowed to never speak to each other again. I think it was a successful party.

Penny: No, it does matter. Okay? You were right. It was Halloween. I was dressed as a cat, you were a hobbit. It was right there on that couch.
Leonard: Why didn't you just say that?
Penny: Because I always hated that was our first kiss. I was drunk, and I was still with Kurt, and I was using you to make myself feel better. I just wanted our first kiss to mean something. That's why I said it was the one on your birthday.
Leonard: I like that. We'll make that our official first kiss.

Stuart: That was beautiful.
Penny: Mm.
Leonard: What are you still doing here?
Stuart: I was in the bathroom. Guacamole didn't agree with me.

Amy: (imitating Bernadette) Happy Halloween.
Sheldon: Who wants to see a magic trick? Oh, that's right. No one.
Bert: Ha! They're you.