Sheldon: Howard, today is your lucky day. Leonard's out, you're my new best friend. Well, I'm not thrilled about it either, but here we are. Okay, fine. Is Bernadette there? Sh- No? Just Stuart? Let me call you back.

Amy: Let me guess. This thing with Tam escalated, and now you're mad at Leonard and looking for a new best friend?
Sheldon: You know me so well. It's too bad you can't be my best friend.
Amy: I can be.
Sheldon: You can't be my wife and my best friend. Who would I complain about you to?

Amy: Just tell me what happened.
Sheldon: Leonard talked to Tam behind my back and took his side. And after what he did to me. Can you believe it?
Amy: No. I'm-I'm shocked and outraged. Now, tell me why I'm shocked and outraged.

Sheldon: When I got accepted to grad school at Caltech, I was afraid to move so far away from home. So Tam said he'd move out here with me and be my roommate. Then, over the summer, he got a girlfriend, even after reading all the pamphlets I gave him about social diseases.
Amy: Aw, I remember when you gave me those pamphlets.

Sheldon: Anyway, Tam stayed with her in Texas, and I had to move out here all by myself.
Amy: That must've been scary.
Sheldon: It was. I was lonely, and I thought I'd never make a friend again. And for a long time, I didn't.
Amy: But then you did. And great friends. If you think about it, if Tam had moved out here with you, who knows what your life would've been like.
[Montage of classic The Big Bang Theory moments with Tam as Sheldon's roomate]

Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Uh, I'm Leonard Hofstadter. I called you about the apartment. You said-
Tam: Tell him to go away. You already have a roommate.

Tam: New neighbor?
Penny: Oh, hi.
Tam: Hi.
Sheldon: Hi.
Tam: Hi.
Sheldon: Hi.

Penny: Tam, look. Sheldon's hugging me.
Tam: It's a Saturnalia miracle.

Tam: Sheldon, come here.
Sheldon: Bazinga!

[After montage of classic The Big Bang Theory moments with Tam as Sheldon's roommate]
Sheldon: No, my life would've still been great.

Bernadette: So what is the craziest request anyone's ever made?
Anu: Oh, you know, I can't really say. Concierge-guest confidentiality.
Penny: Really, that's a thing?
Anu: (laughs) No. This one time, I had to go to Walmart at 3:00 a.m. because Britney Spears needed to blow bubbles.
Bernadette: Oh. That is so cool. By the way, do not tell Raj that you met Britney Spears, because he will literally die.

Anu: We've been talking so much about me, tell me about Raj.
Penny: Okay, are you trying to get us drunk so we'll dish on our friend?
Bernadette: 'Cause it's totally gonna work, what do you want to know?

Anu: Come on.
Penny: There's really nothing to tell. Raj is so much fun to hang out with. He's like one of our girlfriends. And I mean that in a good way.
Bernadette: But also a bad way.

Anu: Anything else?
Penny: No.
Bernadette: No.
Penny: I mean, he takes baths with his dog, but not in a weird way.
Bernadette: Or a normal way; they both wear swimsuits.

Penny: He also cries every time Hugh Jackman sings.
Bernadette: But not cute sniffles, full-on snot sobs.
Penny: But he is great.
Bernadette: So great.
Penny: Yeah.