Bert: Wow. A scavenger hunt. That's exciting. I had a bit of a scavenger hunt myself last night. I was trying to find the remote. I looked under one of the cushions. Wasn't there.
Then I lifted the cushion a little higher. Bingo.
Amy: Riveting.

Amy: So, do you know what it is?
Bert: Of course I know what it is. It's a silicon dioxide crystal, otherwise known as quartz.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Bert: Am I sure? Is basalt a mafic extrusive igneous rock formed by the rapid cooling of magnesium and iron-rich lava? Yeah, I'm sure.

Amy: Okay, so it's quartz. That's got to mean something. What do we know about quartz?
Sheldon: I'll Google it.
Bert: Or you can ask me, the geologist who won the MacArthur Genius Grant.
Sheldon: Got it!

Sheldon: Quartz, from the German "quarz" which sounds the same, but is spelled without a "T".
Amy: Interesting. No "T". What is not "T"?
Sheldon: Coffee!
Amy: The coffee shop where we first met!
Bert: All right, let's go. Sorry. I think I just had an adrenaline rush from having visitors.

Stuart: Hey, Raj, will you, um, smell something for me?
Raj: Uh, that depends. Actually, it doesn't depend. Just no.

Stuart: I'm trying out some new colognes for my date with Denise.
Raj: Oh, and you just came over here to rub it in my face that you have a date?
Stuart: No. I came over here because I need advice, and you've gone out with more women than anybody I know.
Raj: Huh. I guess you're right. Sheldon's the smart one, Howard's the funny one, and apparently, I'm the ladies' man.
Stuart: Which one's Leonard?
Raj: Oh, yeah, right. I guess Leonard's the forgettable one.

Raj: Okay, let's have a whiff. Oh. (sniffs) Hmm. Smells like Paco Rabanne.
Stuart: Ooh, you're good. I bought it at a swap meet. It's actually called "Smells Like Paco Rabanne."

Stuart: I really like Denise, and I don't want to screw this up.
Raj: Hey, relax. Trust your instincts. That's what I do.
Stuart: And that works for you?
Raj: Actually no. I've made a mess of my life, and I'm - I'm all alone.
Stuart: [silence] Okay, I think it'd be best for both of us if I pretend to get a phone call and just walk away.
Raj: Yeah, that would be best.
Stuart: [picking up his phone] Hello, this is Stuart. (whispering) Sorry. I got to take this. (walking away) Uh, why, yes, I'd love to take a survey.

Sheldon: I met my wife here, and we sat at this very table, so if you play your cards right, in eight years, you could marry this woman.
Greg: That's my sister.
Sheldon: Well, don't tell people. That's not okay.

Amy: Sheldon, look, I asked the barista if anyone left anything for us, and she said to look in this lost and found box.
Sheldon: But why would it be in the lost and found box?
Amy: Because we were lost, and then we found each other.
Sheldon: It makes perfect sense.

Amy: Oh, and look at this. A locket. And that stone in front, I bet it's quartz.
Sheldon: This must be it. This must be the actual gift. Open it up. What's inside?
Amy: Nothing. It's empty.
Sheldon: Of course. Our life together is just starting, and they want us to fill it with our memories.
Amy: This might be the best wedding gift ever.
Sheldon: (gasps) They also left us a pair of sunglasses because our future's so bright!
Amy: They thought of everything!

Howard: Oh. Look what Halley drew.
Bernadette: Yeah, she made it at daycare.
Howard: It's pretty good, huh?
Bernadette: Is it?
Howard: Wow. Gentile moms are tough.

Stuart: I was worried about the date so I got my hair colored to make me feel a little more confident, but that just made me look paler, so I-I got a spray tan.
Bernadette: Have you tried showering, seeing if you could scrub it off?
Stuart: I did. You're gonna need some new towels. And a bathmat. And a toilet seat.

Stuart: I'm picking her up in an hour. What am I gonna do?!
Howard: Don't you mean what are you gonna "Oompa Loompa doompety do"?

Bernadette: Look, it's only a spray tan. It'll fade in a couple days. Why don't you cancel the date and reschedule?
Stuart: Oh, but I was really looking forward to tonight.
Bernadette: You know what? Then go. Tell her what happened. Maybe she'll be flattered.
Howard: And if not, swing by the chocolate factory and see if they're hiring. That wasn't a joke. That was a legitimate suggestion.