Stephanie: I'm kinda busy here, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I understand. All I need is for you to authorize these tests.
Stephanie: A cardiac stress test, a full body MRI, an electromyogram, a CBC, baseline glucose, upper GI?
Sheldon: Oh, and an exploratory laparoscopy. Last time I had hiccups, it felt like my diaphragm was just going through the motions.
Stephanie: Go home, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Can I at least have the upper GI? I already drank the barium!

Stephanie: Oh, no!
Sheldon: Wha...?
Stephanie: You were right. Your larynx is terribly inflamed. I mean, I've never seen anything like it.
Sheldon: I knew it! What do I do?
Stephanie: You're going to need to stop talking immediately.
Sheldon: For how-
Stephanie: D-d-d-d! Immediately.

Penny: I mean, what have women said to you when they wanted to slow a relationship down?
Leonard: I really like you, but I want to see how things go with Mark?
Penny: Yeah, that'll slow it down.

Penny: Out of coffee. Need coffee.
Stephanie: Uh, hello.
Penny: Hi! Stephanie, right?
Stephanie: Uh-huh. And, and, and you are?
Penny: I'm Penny, I live across the hall. I've heard a lot about you.
Stephanie: Really?
Penny: Mm-hmm.
Stephanie: I haven't heard a thing about you. Leonard? Why haven't I heard a thing about this woman who lives across the hall and comes into your apartment in the morning in her underwear?

Leonard: She's heard about you because we're, you know, involved. And you haven't heard about her because ... I never slept with her, I swear!
Sheldon: In Leonard's defense, it wasn't for lack of trying.
Leonard: Thank you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You're welcome, Leonard.

Leonard: Look, I'm just saying, um, Penny is one of our many neighbors, you know, and in our building, neighbors come and go, it's very casual, no dress code. In fact, some mornings I'll just mosey down to the third floor in my pajamas and have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Sheldon: Really? I have never once been invited to have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Leonard: She doesn't like you.

Penny: So, that's Stephanie, huh?
Leonard: Why do I feel like I'm the one that just got the prostate exam?
Penny: You know, she seems very nice.
Sheldon: Oh, she is. She's terrific, and shes proving to be a valuable roommate.
Penny: Roommate? You guys are living together?
Sheldon: Like hippies.

Leonard: In fact, I gave it a lot of thought and I decided it was time for us to live together.
Howard: Uh, Leonard, huge mistake. There's a whole buffet of women out there and you're just standing in the corner eating the same deviled egg over and over again.
Leonard: At least I have an egg. What do you have?
Howard: A veritable smrgsbord of potential sexual partners. See the blond over there? I can hit on her and you can't.
Leonard: So, go hit on her.
Howard: She's not my type.

Sheldon: Leonard, there's one more thing. Under Article One, Section Three of our Roommate Agreement, I'm calling an emergency meeting.
Leonard: No, you're not.
Sheldon: Leonard moves the meeting not occur. Is there a second? None heard, the motion fails. I'd like to begin the meeting by congratulating you on the progress in your relationship with Dr. Stephanie.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: That being said, we have to discuss the implementation of the agreed upon "cohabitation" rider which has been activated now that the two of you are living together.

Leonard: We're not living together.
Sheldon: I beg to disagree. "A girlfriend shall be deemed quote living with un-quote Leonard when she has stayed over for A. ten consecutive nights, or B. more than nine nights in three week period, or C. all the weekends of a given month plus three weeknights."
Leonard: That's absurd.
Sheldon: You initialed it. See? L.H., L.H., L.H.
Leonard: Wait, I only initialed it because I never thought it would happen! I initialed another clause naming you my sidekick in case I get superpowers.
Sheldon: Hmm, yes, you did.

Leonard: I'm going to bed.
Sheldon: At least take this with you. Look, and have Stephanie initial here, here, here, here and here. This states that she does not now nor does she intend to play a percussive or brass instrument.

Sheldon: Good morning, Dr. Stephanie. I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night.
Leonard: Oh come on! Sheldon, we don't ask questions like that.
Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon: See? She's not offended. And now you finally have an answer.

Sheldon: So, have you and I returned to a social equilibrium?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Great. New topic. Where are you in your menstrual cycle?
Penny: What?
Sheldon: I've been doing some research online, and apparently female primates, you know, uh, apes, chimpanzees, you, they find their mate more desirable when he's being courted by another female. Now, this effect is intensified when the rival female is secreting the pheromones associated with ovulation. Which brings me back to my question, where are you in (Penny slams door). Clearly, I'm 14 days too early.

Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I have a craving for white asparagus that apparently is destined to go unsatisfied.
Leonard: Excuse me. What the hell is wrong with you?
Sheldon: I'm helping you with Stephanie.
Leonard: By making constipated moose sounds?
Sheldon: When I fail to open this jar and you succeed it will establish you as the alpha male. You see, when a female witnesses an exhibition of physical domination she produces the hormone oxytocin. If the two of you then engage in intercourse this will create the biochemical reaction in the brain which lay people naively interpret as falling in love.

Sheldon: What a beautiful job Stephanie did. I might have gone with a mattress suture instead of a blanket stitch, but you can't argue with her results. It's a shame it won’t scar, the war wound is a time-honored badge of masculinity.
Leonard: I can't remember a time when you weren't talking.