Sheldon: Would you like some advice?
Leonard: Sure, why not?
Sheldon: Then this is the perfect time to launch a blog with an interactive comments section.
Leonard: Gee, thanks a lot.

Howard: (Answering phone) You've reached "Friends with Benefits", for a booty call, press 1 now.

Penny: Hang on, I think the emergency key is around here somewhere.
Sheldon: We have a bowl. Our keys go in a bowl. You should get a bowl.
Penny: So, how did the beautiful mind of Sheldon Cooper forget his key in the first place.
Sheldon: I left them in the bowl.

Leonard: It must be hell inside your head.
Sheldon: At times.

Stuart: Yeah, last night at dinner, I did what you told me, I went really slow, I kept my distance, and two bottles of wine later, we were making out in my car.
Leonard: Wine? I didn't say to give her wine.
Stuart: It doesn't matter, that's where it all went to hell.
Leonard: During the kissing? What did you do, sneeze in her mouth? I did that to a girl once.
Stuart: No, everything was good and really hot, and I said “Oh, Penny,” and right where she was supposed to say, “Oh, Stuart,” she said ... your name.
Leonard: Leonard?
Stuart: That is your name, right?
Leonard: Yeah, no, yeah, wow, I'm sorry. That must've been the last thing you wanted to hear.
Stuart: Well, it beats "You know I'm a dude, right?" Yeah, it was pretty bad.

Raj: But if we were part of the team that confirmed string theory, we could drink for free in any bar in any college town with a university that has a strong science program.

Penny: I meant has he ever been involved with someone who wasn't a brainiac?
Sheldon: Oh! Well, a few years ago, he did go out with a woman who had a Ph.D in French Literature.
Penny: How is that not a brainiac?
Sheldon: Well, for one thing she was French.

Sheldon: You're in my bedroom.
Penny: Yeah, Leonard gave me an emergency key.
Sheldon: People can't be in my bedroom.

Penny: No, I can't. Sheldon, honey, I don't want things to be weird between us.
Sheldon: Won't it also be 'weird' if I have to say hello to you every morning on my way to work and you're living in a refrigerator box and washing your hair with rainwater?

Penny: I found the decaf.
Stuart: Oh, great.
Sheldon: Herbal tea for me, please.

Penny: I like hanging out with you guys, but I'm not gonna apologize for something I didn't do.
Leonard: Well, actually, technically, you did do it.
Penny: That's strike one, Leonard.

Sheldon: You have to drive me to work.
Penny: Yeah, I really don't think I do.
Sheldon: But I don't drive and I can't take the bus.
Penny: Alright, honey, you'll be fine as long as you don't do that bungee chord thing.

Leonard: What are you looking at? You've never seen a hypocrite before?

Sheldon: Listen to that! 'Stomp, stomp, stomp.' It's Wolowitz and his stacked heels that fool no one.

Sheldon: If you fail at this relationship, and history suggests you will, then we risk losing the medical officer that our landing party has always needed.
Leonard: What landing party?
Sheldon: You're Kirk, I'm Spock, Wolowitz is Scotty, Koothrappali is the guy who always gets killed. And now we've got McCoy.