Howard:Hey, isn't that the guy who won the MacArthur genius grant last year? (everyone looks) No, not all at once.
Raj: Then how?
Howard: Leonard. Now Raj. Now Sheldon.
Raj: I didn't get a good look. Can I go again?
Howard: No.

Howard: New pants?
Leonard: Yeah, Stephanie got them for me.
Howard: Nice. Cotton?
Leonard: Actually, I think it's more of a wool-fire ant blend.

Leonard: Where's my Bat Signal?
Penny: You have a Bat Signal?
Leonard: I did. It was right here. She must have- Oh, my God, we're living together.

Sheldon: What could I possibly have done to offend Mrs. Vartabedian?

Sheldon: I've never once been invited to have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Leonard: She doesn't like you.

Leonard: Maybe, it's a lingering bacterial infection from all those childhood toilet swirlies.
Sheldon: Is that possible? I used to get those all the time. Even in church.
Stephanie: Well, you know, if it is from a swirly, there's something I can do, okay. Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you have a cootie shot.

Leonard: I'm bleeding!
Sheldon: Like a gladiator.

Howard: Don't spritz him with that body spray from the commercials where the women undress when they smell it? That doesn't work at all. No matter how much you put on.

Sheldon: This is banana bread.
Penny: This is a door knob.

Penny: Hey, guys. What'd I miss, what'd I miss?
Howard: Giselle's hanging by a thread.
Penny: Oh, good, I hate her.
Howard: Then you're not invited to our wedding.

Sheldon: Alright, Klingons, pencils down.

Penny: This has gotten way out of hand, okay. I've done some stupid things, you've done some stupid things. How about we just call it even, and move on with our lives?
Sheldon: I've done no stupid things.
Penny: Look, you've gotta meet me halfway here.
Sheldon: I am meeting you halfway. I'm willing to concede that you've done some stupid things.

Sheldon: If you fail at this relationship, and history suggests you will, then we risk losing the medical officer that our landing party has always needed.
Leonard: What landing party?
Sheldon: You're Kirk, I'm Spock, Wolowitz is Scotty, Koothrappali is the guy who always gets killed. And now we've got McCoy.

Howard: Mock me if you will, but it works. You show up at a club in something distinctive, scope out your target and toss out some negs.
Raj: What are negs?
Howard: A neg is a negative compliment that throws a pretty woman off her game. Like "Normally, I'm not turned on by big teeth, but on you, they work." I've got a whole list of em. Who wants to be my wingman?
Leonard: You're not gonna need wingman, you're gonna need a paramedic.

Leonard: Just out of curiosity, did he ever have a shot with you?
Stephanie: Are you insane, the guy was wearing an eyepatch.
Leonard: So, then why did you--
Stephanie: He said I could drive a car on Mars!