Sheldon: *On computer screen* Greetings, hamburger toucher. You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you heart various things. Well, this recorded message is alerting you that I am putting an end to your parasitic piggybacking upon our WiFi. If you want to remedy the situation you can contact the phone company, set up your own WiFi and pay for it, or you may apologize to me.

Sheldon: Oh look, Saturn 3 is on.
Raj: I don't want to watch Saturn 3. Deep Space Nine is better.
Sheldon: How is Deep Space Nine better than Saturn 3?
Raj: Simple subtraction will tell you its six better.

Raj: Welcome to the Raj Majal.

Howard: Okay make your little jokes, but out of the four of us, I'm the only one who's making real world contribution to science and technology.
Rajesh: He's right, this is an important achievement for two reasons. Number one and of course number two!

Ramona: You are so witty.
Sheldon: Aren't I?

Sheldon: Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

Penny: Sheldon, could I ask you a question?
Sheldon: I would prefer that you not, but I wouldn't go so far as to forbid it.

Sheldon: I wouldn't tell you the secret. Sssh!
Leonard: What secret? Tell me the secret.
Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell dad.
Leonard: Not that secret, the other secret.
Sheldon: I'm Batman! Ssssh!

Penny: We're putting the play on for one night in this little 99-seat theater. Can you come? Oh great! Do you know 98 other people that might want to come?

Leonard: Sheldon. Don't make that noise, it's disrespectful.
Sheldon: I should hope so. It was a snort of derision.

Sheldon: I was otherwise engaged.
Penny: Doing what?
Sheldon: I was examining perturbutive amplitudes in N=4 supersymeteric theories leading to a re-examination of the ultraviolet properties of multiloop N=8 supergravity using modern twistor theory.

Sheldon's computer: We are out of herbal tea. Do you have any?
Penny: Okay, let me check.
Sheldon's computer: Some hiney would be nice.
Penny: Hiney?
Sheldon's computer: Honey.

Leonard: How could you just sit there and let them spy on me?
Sheldon: They were very smart. They used my complete lack of interest in what you are doing.

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, there's a blonde girl, Patsy, here to see you.
Howard: Who?
Mrs. Wolowitz Okay, now she's saying it's Penny.

Sheldon: Bring out the Red Bull, it's time to rock Mario old school!