Sheldon: Will you all excuse me? Leonard is subtly signaling that he'd like to talk to me in private.

Penny: Howard, didn't you say you worked on the Mars Rover?
Howard: No, you're mistaken.
Penny: Yeah, when we first met, you said that if I went out with you, I could drive a car on Mars.
Howard: I don't know what you're talking about.

Sheldon: So what exactly do you want us to do?
Howard: I need you and Raj to help me get the Rover out of the ditch, and I need you to get Stephanie out before somebody notices she's here. She doesn't exactly have clearance.
Sheldon: Really? They don't let strange women from honky-tonks come in and play with $200million government projects on distant planets?

Howard: OK, I guess we have to turn to Plan B.
Raj: What's Plan B?
Howard: Erase all the hard drives, scrap the surveillance tapes, wipe our fingerprints off every surface and run.
Sheldon: Why wasn't that Plan A?

Stephanie: (Breaking away from kissing) I'm sorry. I totally interrupted you. What, what, what were you saying?
Leonard: Just said Howard's a terrific guy. He's got a great sense of humor, he loves his mother, a lot, some people say too much.
Stephanie: I really like that you're such a loyal friend.
Leonard: Yeah, I am loyal. You know, if you look at the big picture.

Howard: My mother is so gonna love her.
Sheldon: Oh, how nice. Maybe they can carpool when they visit you in federal prison.

Stephanie: So are you a scientist like Howard?
Leonard: No one's a scientist like Howard.

Sheldon: You brought a girl to the Mars Rover control room?
Howard: Yeah, I picked her up in the bar. She's a doctor. One free barium enema and my mother won't care she's not Jewish.
Leonard: Wait a minute, so the eye patch and the insults worked?
Howard: No, there were three other guys with eye patches, it was a fiasco. What did work was, "How'd you like to visit a secret government facility?"

Sheldon: What happened?
Leonard: Howard's at the Mars Rover lab. He says he's in trouble. DEFCON 5.
Sheldon: DEFCON 5? Well, there's no need to rush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: DEFCON 5 means no danger. DEFCON 1 is a crisis.

Penny: (entering) Howard, your scooter's blocking my car. Aw, did you get pinkeye again?
Howard: Step one, she notices the eye patch. May I say, Penny, not a lot of women could look as hot as you do with such greasy hair? (She pulls his eye patch away from his face, then lets it snap back to his face)
Penny: Yeah, just move your stupid scooter before I pick it up and throw it in the dumpster.
Howard: Ow.

Leonard: Compromise. Watch Babylon 5.
Sheldon: In what sense is that a compromise?
Leonard: Well, five is partway between three... Never mind.

Howard: Hello, boys.
Leonard: Ahoy, matey.
Howard: Noticed the eye patch, did you? It's all part of a technique I've been studying for picking up women. You employ a visual display designed to make yourself distinctive and memorable.
Sheldon: Oh yes, like the male peacock with brilliant plumage or the rutting baboon with engorged hindquarters.
Leonard: Or in this case, the bar mitzvah boy with pinkeye.

Raj: I like Green Lantern, I'm just saying it's pretty lame that he can be defeated by the color yellow.
Sheldon: Only the modern Green Lantern is vulnerable to yellow.
Leonard: Golden age Green Lantern was vulnerable to wood.
Raj: Great, so I can take them both out with a number-two pencil?

Penny: I cannot believe they're letting her just use them like that. I mean, anything she wants, they go panting after her like trained dogs. You know that just last week, she had Howard drive all the way to her uncle's house in Orange County to pick up her TV?
Sheldon: You once had Leonard and me get your television from your ex-boyfriend.
Penny: Apples and oranges here, Sheldon. I'm telling you, that girl is a user, ice-skating through the life on her looks, taking advantage of innocent weak-willed men, getting auditions for stupid network shows. It creams my corn.

Penny: So, what do we got going on tonight, huh? Playing Halo watching Battlestar, drop some Mentos in Diet Coke?
Leonard: You want to watch Battlestar?
Penny: What can I say? I got my geek on, boys.