Sheldon: Wonderful security system if we're attacked by a school of tuna.
Howard: Don't worry, the net's going to be electrified. Picture her on the floor, spasming uncontrollably.
Sheldon: Better.

Leonard: Don't you think looking for a new city to live in is a bit of an overreaction?
Sheldon: Our apartment was broken into, our security system tried to kill me, and as a result, I'm leaving Pasadena forever. Tell me how that's overreacting.
Penny: Come on, Sheldon, you can't move. Don't you need to stay in one place so the mother ship can find you when it returns?
Sheldon: Oh, if that were only true. Unfortunately, as I'm earthbound for the foreseeable future, I need to find a location that's more hospitable than the mean streets of Pasadena.

Penny: Look, Sheldon, sweetie, I know you're feeling insecure, but we've really got to go to sleep.
Sheldon: All right. I'll take the first watch and wake you at 0400.
Leonard: Great. Good night.
Penny: Wait, wait, what's 0400?
Leonard: 4 am.
Penny: That's, like, in 45 minutes.
Leonard: Just keep walking.

Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: It's not what I want, it's what evolution wants. Human beings are primates. Primates have evolved to live in groups, both for protection and support.
Leonard: But you don't like other people.
Sheldon: I do tonight. It's scary over there.
Leonard: It's getting scary here, too.

Penny: Umm. Three little kittens? Three little pigs? God, I don't know. Star Wars?
Leonard: Did we win? Can we go to bed?
Sheldon: Good Lord, I could not have made this easier. Hydrogen atom, H. Plus, pigs minus pea, Higgs. Bow, General Zod trapped in the Phantom Zone. Bow-zone. Pear. Tickle. Pear-tickle. Higgs Boson Particle. How could you not get that?
Leonard: He's right, Penny. It's all there.

Leonard: What are we supposed to do now?
Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.
Leonard: Does that mean you've ruled me out as a suspect?
Sheldon: Oh, how I wish I could.

Policeman: We're done here. Call this number, and w'll fax you a copy of the report so you can submit it to your insurance company.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, that's the end of your inquiry?
Policeman: Do you have any more information that might be relevant?
Sheldon: Oh, my goodness. Where do I begin? For instance, my laptop contained four out of the five Gedanken experiments necessary for a cogent restatement of the quantum measurement problem.
Leonard: How is that going to help them?
Sheldon: Well, they could monitor scientific publications and see if anyone posts such a cogent restatement in the next couple of months. If so, the authors are most likely in possession of my stolen laptop.

Penny: Sheldon, do you want to sleep here tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, as small as Leonard is, I don't think the two of youd be comfortable on the couch.

Howard: Boy, seems like forever since the four of us have been out to eat, you know? Just the guys.
Raj: Oh, God. Yes, we get it. You have a girlfriend now.
Howard: A little jealous, are we?
Raj: No, I'm not jealous. All right, I'd kill a hobo if it'll get me laid. Now, can we order?

Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, they re-did the menu.
Leonard: So what? It's the same food.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? Look at this. General Tso's Chicken is no longer listed under specialties. It's now under chicken.
Raj: So?
Sheldon: Yes, General Tso.
Raj: Not Tso the chicken, so the question. So?
Sheldon: So, why is it no longer a specialty? Did the chef lose confidence in the dish or himself?

Leonard: You know what? Let's just get a pizza.
Sheldon: Good idea. We'll go to Corleone's.
Howard: Sure, no mobsters there.

Sheldon: (To a policeman) They took our TV, two laptops, four external hard-drives, our PS2, our PS3, our X-Box, our X-Box 360, our classic Nintendo, our Super Nintendo, our Nintendo 64 and our Wii.
Leonard: We like games.
Sheldon: Right, games. They took Halo 1, Halo 2, Halo 3, Call of Duty 1, Call of Duty 2, Call of Duty 3, Rock Band, Rock Band 2, Final Fantasy 1 thru 9, The Legend of Zelda, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Super Mario Brothers, Super Mario Galaxy, Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympics and Ms. Pacman.
Policeman: (Writing down) Assorted video games.

Sheldon: You know, the more I think about it, the mobster sauce couldn't possibly contain chunks of mobster.
Leonard: And why is that?
Sheldon: It was listed under seafood.
Leonard: What if they were mobsters who slept with the fishes?
Sheldon: Leonard, are we having a serious conversation or not?

Howard: What the hell are you doing?
Raj: Relax, it's Nyquil.
Leonard: You still have a cold?
Raj: Maybe, but I don't care. That's the great thing about Nyquil, it's like ten-percent booze. I call it the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, so you can talk to girls medicine.

Sheldon: All right, Elizabeth, the bathroom is yours. The seat is down, and has been sanitized for your protection.
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: That's very thoughtful, but I think I'll finish my coffee first.
Sheldon: Ah, so the yogurt didn't work. I'll fire off a critical e-mail to the manufacturer.