Sheldon: I must say, I'm shocked by this betrayal.
Leonard: I didn't betray Penny.
Sheldon: Not Penny, me!
Leonard: How am I betraying you?
Sheldon: Elizabeth's my friend, and you're playing with her!
Leonard: Yeah, I guess I did.

Penny: You know what? I'm just gonna take the bus to work.
Leonard: Penny, I can still drive you.
Penny: Oh, no, no, it's okay. You might slip on a banana peel and get me pregnant.

Sheldon: All right, Elizabeth, the bathroom is yours. The seat is down, and has been sanitized for your protection.
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: That's very thoughtful, but I think I'll finish my coffee first.
Sheldon: Ah, so the yogurt didn't work. I'll fire off a critical e-mail to the manufacturer.

Penny: Oh, good, you're up. Look, my car won't start. I need a ride to work.
Sheldon: Did you once again ignore your check engine light?
Penny: No, Mr. Smarty Pants. I ignored the fill gas tank light.
Sheldon: Leonard, Penny wants to exploit any residual feelings you have for her in order to get a ride to work.

Leonard: Uh, sleep night. I mean, obviously, good night. I started to say sleep tight then I changed my mind in the middle. I swear to God, I'm smart.
Sheldon: Get it together, man.

Leonard: (To Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton) I think any university would want you. Except, of course, any university that had already had you. Because they would've already wanted you before they, you know, got you.
Sheldon: From the mind that brought you hi-lo.

Sheldon: All right, let me show you some of the features of the room. First, windows. Conventional. Open, closed, open, closed. Halfway open or halfway closed, depending on your philosophical bent. Over here is my comic book collection. Feel free to browse. There's a box of disposable reading gloves on the night stand.

Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: Can I ask a question about your roommate?
Sheldon: He's an odd duck, isn't he?
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: What's his relationship status?
Sheldon: Well, there was a misbegotten adventure with a waitress who lives across the hall. It ended as inexplicably as it began. They had very little in common, except for carnal activity. That's why I acquired these noise-canceling headphones. If you decide to use them, please clean the ear pieces afterwards with the Wet Wipes you'll find in the bathroom. They're in the drawer labeled Wet Wipes.

Sheldon: Vocal test. Morning vocal test. Second vocal test. Second morning vocal test.

Penny: Sheldon, what are you doing with maxi pads?
Sheldon: I have a lady friend who will be staying with me for a few days.
Penny: Oh. What?
Sheldon: I want her to feel at home. I also bought scented soaps, pantyhose, Midol, calcium chews and what is apparently a yogurt specifically designed to regulate the female bowel.
Penny: Wait, wait, hold on, back up. You're having a woman stay with you?
Sheldon: Yes. Why does that seem to flabbergast everybody?
Penny: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not flabbergasted. I'm puzzled. Yeah, let's go with puzzled.

Sheldon: Oh, Penny, excellent. I have a question about these maxi pads. Are the wings truly functional or have I fallen victim to marketing hype?
Penny: What? What are you doing with, what?
Sheldon: The stock boy at Walgreens was frustratingly uninformed on the subject.

Leonard: Hi-lo. Oops. I started to say hi and then I switched to hello in the middle. It came out hi-lo. Duh. Uh, it's nice to meet you. I've read both your books and most of your papers. I'm Leonard, I live here. You're brilliant.
Sheldon: I apologize. He's only an experimental physicist.
Elizabeth: No need to apologize. Some of my best friends are experimental physicists. Well, not my best friends, but I know them. My best friend is a molecular chemist named Wendy. I'm sorry, I'm rambling. Hi-lo.

Dr. Elizabeth Pimpton: Ah, Dr. Cooper, thank goodness. I completely forgot your address. But then I remembered that Id written it on my hand. Lucky for me, I didn't confuse it with what I'd written on my other hand, which are the coordinates for a newly discovered neutron star. 'cause if I tried to go there, I'd be crushed by hypergravity. Anyway, hello.
Sheldon: Hello.
Dr. Elizabeth Pimpton: Nice to finally meet you in person.
Sheldon: I would imagine it is.

Sheldon: Now listen, one of the great minds of the 21st century is about to play host to one of the other great minds of the 21st century. So pay attention. Years from now, my biographer might ask you about this event.
Leonard: Oh, I have so many things to tell your biographer.

Raj: When can I sit with you again?
Sheldon: When I've seen two consecutive negative throat cultures spaced 12 hours apart. You know the drill. All right, if you'll excuse me, I am off to start a prophylactic course of antibiotics.