Mary Cooper: Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.

Mary Cooper: Hold your horses, young man. Here in Texas we pray before we eat.
Sheldon: Aw, mom.
Mary Cooper: This is not California, land of the heathen.

Mary Cooper: Whatever. Jesus still loves you.

Sheldon: Thanks for carving a smiley face in my grilled cheese sandwich.
Mary Cooper: Well, I know how to take care of my baby. His eyes came out a little thin, but you can just pretend he's Chinese.

Mary Cooper: If you recall, when you were little we sat right here at this very spot and talked about some of the problems you had getting along with the neighbor kids.
Sheldon: That was different. They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that's why they hated me.
Mary Cooper: Oh, baby. They knew very well why they hated you.

Barry Kripke: Hey, Cooper. Read your retraction email. Way to destroy your reputation!

Sheldon: You see. People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.
Barry Kripke: Not true. People have been pointing and laughing at you your whole life.

Sheldon: Attention, everyone. I'm Sheldon Cooper. As those of you in the physics department might know, my career trajectory has taken a minor detour.
Barry Kripke: Off a cliff.

Sheldon: My credibility may have been damaged.
Barry Kripke: Completely wrecked.

Barry Kripke: Yeah, but research in to dark energy proved that Einstein's cosmological constant was right all along. So you're still, surprise surprise, a loser.

Wil Wheaton: Hey look, they named their team after me!

Wil Wheaton: That's right, Sheldon. Embrace the dark side.

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon. I just wanted you to know I'm really looking forward to wiping the floor with you.

Sheldon: I am the proud owner of WilWheatonStinks.com, .net and .org!.What does that tell you?
Wil Wheaton: It tells me that I am living rent free, right here (points to Sheldon's head).

Wil Wheaton: I call my meemaw, Nana, and she's going to be very happy to hear my small rock kills your enchanted bunny.