Sheldon: Yes, I want you to apologize to Leonard.
Penny: I am not going to apologize. I've done nothing wrong. He is completely overreacting.
Sheldon: Irrelevant. The disruption in your relationship is making my life intolerable.
Penny: Well, I'm sorry, Sheldon, but this really isn't about you.
Sheldon: I don't follow.

Sheldon: Were you under the impression that Leonard has no complaints about you?
Penny: Like what? Yeah, yeah, I see you, you're making a little check sign in the air, I got it, just hold your horses. What does Leonard complain about?
Sheldon: Your driving, the plethora of stuffed animals on your bed that stare at him during your amorous activities, your constant tardiness, your singing.
Penny: My singing?
Sheldon: That's actually from my list, but Leonard would be a fool if he didn't agree with it.
Penny: Okay, if Leonard has so many problems with me, why hasn't he just said so?
Sheldon: Because, according to him, you're oversensitive and have a temper.
Penny: Oh, really? Well, then, do me a favor and tell Leonard that he can drop dead!
Sheldon: And she wonders why she's constantly under-tipped.

Penny: Sheldon! (whistles)
Leonard: What are you doing? He's not a lost dog.
Penny: Hey, why don't you just let me find him while you sit there hitting your imaginary brake?
Leonard: The brake might be imaginary, but that stop sign you just ran wasn't.
Penny: What stop sign?
Leonard: Eyes on the road. Eyes on the road!

Leonard: I'm not leaving until you talk to me.
Penny: All right, what's going on?
Leonard: It's a little hard to explain. He does this thing where he pretends he's in an alternate dimension that occupies the same physical space we're in, but he can't perceive us.
Sheldon: Don't flatter yourself. I'm just ignoring you.

Penny: Come on, Sheldon, let's go home. Look, we're done fighting.
Sheldon: I've heard that before, but then, the next thing you know I'm hiding in my bedroom, blaring a Richard Feinman lecture while my mom is shouting that Jesus would forgive her if she put ground glass in my dad's meatloaf, and my dad's on the roof skeet-shooting her Franklin Mint collectible plates.
Penny: Okay, there's going to no more shouting and no skeet-shooting.

Penny: You know, how about we buy you this robot, and then we all go home?
Sheldon: I want that one.
Penny: Okay, you can have that one.
Leonard: Oh, come on, he's just going to play with it twice, and then it'll end up in his closet with all the other junk.
Penny: Buy him the robot, Leonard.
Sheldon: Can I get this comic book, too?
Penny: Yes, you can.

Raj: One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits, they hate me and don't come. I'm embarrassed, so I eat all the lettuce in the world and make them watch.

Penny: Sing Soft Kitty to me.
Sheldon: Soft Kitty is for when you’re sick. You're not sick.
Penny: Injured and drugged is a kind of sick.
Sheldon: [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…
Penny: Wait, wait. Let's sing it as a round. I'll start. [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… See that's where you come in. I'll start over. [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… I've got all night, Sheldon. Soft kitty, warm kitty…
Both: [sing] ...little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.

Leonard: Wait, wait, wait. You had surgery?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, and Sheldon sent me flowers.
Leonard: I heard that.
Beverly Hofstadter: Then what was all that "wait, wait, wait" about?

Raj: They get girlfriends and they just abandon us?
Sheldon: It is great, isn't it? We have a wonderful evening ahead of us.

Raj: Come on, Sheldon, the world is filled with people doing things outside. Let's go outside. Outside is good.
Sheldon: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?

Sheldon: I would like a root beer float.
Raj: Sheldon, they don't have ice cream.
Sheldon: They don't? Well, apparently these people and I differ greatly on the definition of party.

Leonard: I'm sorry, but facts are facts.
Penny: Right, and if you can't understand it, it's not a fact.
Leonard: No, if it's not a fact, it's not a fact.

Howard: I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base.
Leonard: What the hell is eighth base?
Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt.

Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. Here we have the universe of all women. These are the ones you want to sleep with. These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. And right there in the little triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.