Sheldon: Now Fetch Me Will Wheaton! (SPEAKING KLINGON)
Wil Wheaton: Did that guy just say, "Revenge is a dish best served cold," in Klingon?
Stuart: I believe so.
Wil Wheaton: What is wrong with him?
Stuart: Everyone has a different theory.

Leonard: A long time ago, I made a deal with Howard involving you.
Penny: Okay, I don't know where this is going, but tread carefully, because this may be the last conversation we ever have.

Penny: The great thing about Ernie (Sesame Street Puppet) is that he didn't ask for anything, he just gave.

Howard: All right, Raj has played his Phantom Warlord card and I am going to back him up with my strangling vines. (Playing card, making gesture to Leonard) Choke on that, sucker.

Leonard: Then I'll just cut your vines with my Ruby Sword. (Playing card, making gesture to Howard) That's right, I did it, I cut them.

Penny: (About the cards) I got a question.
Leonard: Warlord beats troll, troll beats elf, elf beats water sprite, and basically everything beats Enchanted Bunny.
Howard: Unless you have the carrot of power.
Penny: Okay, I've got another question. When does this get fun?

Leonard: Sheldon has kind of a photographic memory.
Sheldon: "Photographic" is a misnomer. I have an eidetic memory, as I've told you many times. Most recently last year during lunch on the afternoon of May 7th. You had turkey and complained it was dry.

Leonard: When I made that agreement, I didn't think I'd ever have a hot girlfriend, and I was positive you never would.

Raj: How come I wasn't part of this deal?
Sheldon: You had left the refreshment stand in prder to indulge in your customary preemptive pre-show urination.
Raj: So, that's how it works? I have a teeny bladder and I don't get a hot girlfriend.
Howard: Yeah, Raj, that's how it works.
Raj: Damn!

Leonard: Can I have a napkin.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, no!
Leonard: But you have a whole bunch of napkins.
Sheldon: Yes, I've moved to a four napkin system, lap, hands, face, and personal emergency. If you like, starting tomorrow, I'll add a guest napkin but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you today.
*Leonard grabs a napkin.*
Sheldon: Good luck, that's the face napkin.

Raj: Hey, Sheldon, guess what I've heard today.
Sheldon: I'd imagine you heard any number of things today. When you arrived at work, you undoubtedly heard: Hello, Raj; How are you, Raj; and given you're wearing a new sweater vest, you may have heard: "New Sweater Vest" and possible, though less likely "Nice Sweater Vest."

Leonard: You know deep down inside, Howard's a nice guy.
Penny: The problem isn't what's on the inside. It's the creepy candy coating.

Sheldon: (To Stuart) I can buy all these things online, I come here for the personal service.

Sheldon: Excuse me, are you saying that Wil Wheaton, a.k.a. Ensign Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation, is going to be participating in your tournament?
Stuart: I'm sorry, did I rob you of the opportunity to stumble onto that for yourself?
Sheldon: No, wait, you don't understand. Growing up, I idolized Wil Wheaton. You know, Wesley Crusher had an eidetic memory just like me.
Raj: Oh, what a coincidence. Maybe you can discuss that with him while you're playing in the tournament. Sign here.
Sheldon: Yeah, I was such a fan that in 1995, I traveled 10 hours by bus to a sci-fi convention in Jackson, Mississippi wearing my Starfleet Academy cadet uniform in order to meet Wil Wheaton and get him to autograph my mint-in-package Wesley Crusher action figure.
Raj: Oh, It'll be like a reunion then. Sign here.
Sheldon: (Mood changes) Yeah, my arduous journey, however, was for naught. Although advertised to appear, he did not show up. It was at that moment I vowed eternal hatred for Wil Wheaton.
Raj: Okay, great, you can tell him you hate him, sign here.
Sheldon: It might interest you to know that Wil Wheaton currently ranks 6th on my all-time enemies list, right between director Joel Schumacher, who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise, and Billy Sparks, who lived down the street from me and put dog poop on the handles of my bicycle.

Sheldon: In the words of Khan Noonien Singh in the immortal Wrath of Khan: "He tasks me, he tasks me and I shall have him."
Raj: No doubt! Sign here.
Sheldon: (Signing) "From hell's heart, I stab at thee."