Howard: How about computers? You like computers?
Bernadette: I use them, I don't like them.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Howard: (To Bernadette) A Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.

Sheldon: The year was 1995, the place, Jackson, Mississippi, having spent 10 hours on a bus, during which I had to twice violate my personal rule against relieving myself onboard a moving vehicle, I finally arrived at the 4th annual Dixie Trek Convention only to find that my idol, Wil Wheaton, decided he had better things to do than show up and sign my action figure.
Wil Wheaton: What?!
Sheldon: You betrayed me, Wil Wheaton, now I have my revenge.

Wil Wheaton: I call my meemaw, Nana, and she's going to be very happy to hear my small rock kills your enchanted bunny.

Rajesh: Okay, please don't take this the wrong way, but I'd rather swim buck naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow agonizing death from a viral infection, than work with you.

Sheldon: Yes, since their relationship became carnal, Penny has updated his designated term of endearment, distinguishing him from those she calls 'sweetie,' usually as an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.
Penny: You're boring people, sweetie.
Sheldon: Although sometimes, she omits the veil entirely.

Raj: I'm going to be deported. Sent home in disgrace. Exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay or, as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.

Sheldon: Like the subordinate male protagonist in countless action movies who disappears halfway through the second reel, I have returned to save the day. [pause]. Odd, he's usually met by cheers.

Sheldon: There's a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately, you have to be a visionary to see it.

Penny: Honey, you don't have to thank me every time we have sex, sweetie.

Sheldon: *Knock Knock Knock* Raj. *Knock Knock Knock* Raj. *Knock Knock Knock* Raj.
*Raj answers the door*
Raj: I'm busy.
Sheldon: Doing what? *Raj does his finger trick again* Okay, you've made your point.

Sheldon: I want you to work for me again.
Raj: 'For you' or 'with you'?
Sheldon: In this context, 'for me' can mean 'with me'.
Raj: All right, but I have some conditions.
Sheldon: I reject them all.
Raj: I'll take the job. See you Monday.

Leonard: I've always been a little confused about this. Why don't Hindus eat beef?
Raj: We believe cows are gods.
Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to be like God.
Raj: Do not tell me about my own culture, Sheldon! In the mood I'm in, I'll take you out, I swear to cow!

Leonard: Pardon me, Sheldon, but how many reels until the protagonist gets to his point?