Leonard: When he wasn't happy, we wanted to kill him. There was even a plan. We were going to throw his Kindle outside, and when he went to get it, lock the door and let him freeze to death.
Sheldon: That seems like a bit of an overreaction.
Leonard: No, the overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs to four different sled-dog team and yell "Mush!"

Penny: When I was a senior in high school, one of my friends heard I was gonna be named head cheerleader, I was so excited. My mom even made me a celebration pie. Then they named stupid Valerie Mossbacher head cheerleader, big old slutbag.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you think a celebration pie is even remotely comparable to a Nobel Prize?
Penny: Well, they're pretty tasty.
Sheldon: And on a different, but not unrelated topic, based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits, do you ever truly believe that you were fit to be a cheer leader?

Sheldon: Like the proverbial cheese, I stand alone. Even while seated.

Sheldon: (To his spot) Hello, old friend, Daddy's home.

Sheldon: I just want you both to know, when I publish my findings, I won't forget your contributions.
Howard: Great.
Sheldon: Of course, I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech. But, when I get around to writing my memoirs, you can expect a very effusive footnote and perhaps a signed copy.

Sheldon: You fellas are planning a party for me, aren't you?
Howard: Okay, Sheldon, sit down.
Sheldon: If there's going to be a theme, I should let you know that I don't care for luau, toga, or under the sea.

Sheldon: What are they doing here?
Leonard: We came to apologize again and bring you home. So why don't you pack up your stuff, and we'll head back?
Sheldon: No, this is my home now. Thanks to you, my career is over, and I will spend the rest of my life here in Texas trying to teach evolution to creationists.
Mary Cooper: You watch your mouth, Shelly. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.
Sheldon: But evolution is not opinion, it's a fact.
Mary Cooper: And that is your opinion.

Mrs. Cooper: By His hand we are all
Sheldon: Fed.
Mrs. Cooper: Give us, Lord, our daily
Sheldon: Bread.
Mrs. Cooper: Please know that we are truly
Sheldon: Grateful.
Mrs .Cooper: For every cup and every
Sheldon: Plateful.
Mrs. Cooper: Amen.

Barry Kripke: Hey, Cooper. Read your retraction email. Way to destroy your reputation!

Sheldon: You see. People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.
Barry Kripke: Not true. People have been pointing and laughing at you your whole life.

Sheldon: Attention, everyone. I'm Sheldon Cooper. As those of you in the physics department might know, my career trajectory has taken a minor detour.
Barry Kripke: Off a cliff.

Sheldon: My credibility may have been damaged.
Barry Kripke: Completely wrecked.

Barry Kripke: Yeah, but research in to dark energy proved that Einstein's cosmological constant was right all along. So you're still, surprise surprise, a loser.

Mary Cooper: Hold your horses, young man. Here in Texas we pray before we eat.
Sheldon: Aw, mom.
Mary Cooper: This is not California, land of the heathen.

Mary Cooper: Whatever. Jesus still loves you.