Sheldon: Like the subordinate male protagonist in countless action movies who disappears halfway through the second reel, I have returned to save the day. [pause]. Odd, he's usually met by cheers.

Sheldon: Yes, since their relationship became carnal, Penny has updated his designated term of endearment, distinguishing him from those she calls 'sweetie,' usually as an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.
Penny: You're boring people, sweetie.
Sheldon: Although sometimes, she omits the veil entirely.

Raj: I'm going to be deported. Sent home in disgrace. Exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay or, as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.

Rajesh: Okay, please don't take this the wrong way, but I'd rather swim buck naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow agonizing death from a viral infection, than work with you.

Sheldon: Excuse me. Wolverine Origin, mini series issue two, page 22, retractable bone claws. You know, if you three spent less time thinking about sex and more time concentrating on comic books, we would have much less of these embarrassing moments.

Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.

Penny: I give up. He's impossible.
Sheldon: I can't be impossible; I exist. I think what you meant to say is, 'I give up; he's improbable'.

Penny: Oh man, did the KISS Army repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"?

Wolowitz: They're called tattoo sleeves. Put them on, have freaky sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Wolowitz: Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped, but that's not the expression.

Leonard: Okay, I know what you're doing.
Sheldon: Really?
Leonard: Yes, you're using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behavior.
Sheldon: Very good. Chocolate?
Leonard: No, I don't want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat.
Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.

Penny: What's this cartoon called again?
Leonard: Oshikuru: Demon Samurai.
Sheldon: And it's not a cartoon, it's anime.

Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.

Sheldon: I lost this to Wolowitz in an ill-conceived cricket wager.
Penny: What, do they have Wii Cricket now? Well, that can't be very popular.