Sheldon: I never joke about safety.

Leonard: So, hot in India?
Dr. Koothrappali: Of course it is, it always is. It's India. Now, what do have to say for yourself?
Leonard: Uh, that is a beautiful tapestry.
(Raj's parents look back, Leonard closes laptop)

Penny: So that means, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor and, Howard, you know a lot of doctors.

Penny: What do you mean new roommate? What happened to Leonard?
Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo Erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I'm the new homo in town.

Priya: Oh, hello, Leonard. What a pleasant surprise! Mummy, Daddy, you remember Rajesh's friend Leonard.
Dr. Koothrappali: I thought you said Rajesh was out with his friends.
Priya: He has many friends.
Dr. Koothrappali: Rajesh has many friends?
Mrs. Koothrappali: Why are you lying to us?

Raj: Come on, dude, I'm exhausted and Tyra Banks says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep.

Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Leonard: I live here.
Sheldon: I have paperwork that says differently.

Leonard: What's going on?
Penny: Oh, hey, it's not what it looks like. *Leaving*
Sheldon: What does it look like?

Leonard: What are you doing here?
Raj: I was sleeping.
Leonard: In my bed?
Raj: Well, I would have slept in my own bed, but it was being used to bring shame to my family and the memory of Gene Roddenberry.

Amy: I study the brain, the organ reponsible for Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Bernadette studies yeast, the organism responsible for Michelob Light.

Sheldon: Here's an interesting fact about alcohol: Man is not the only species that ferments fruit in order to become intoxicated. Can you guess what the other is? Hint: sometimes they pack the alcohol in their trunks.
Penny: Monkeys.
Sheldon: When does a monkey have a trunk?
Penny: When a suitcase just won't do.

Raj: Can I bring girls here?
Leonard: You? Sure. Bring as many as you want.
Raj: Okay, deal.
Leonard: Just not against their will.

Raj: Rotting Zombie. Sheldon's new Facebook picture.

Bernadette: All right. Here you go. Two lemonades, one iced tea and a root beer for Priya.
Priya: Is it diet?
Bernadette: That's what you ordered.

Raj: Sheldon, that's my water.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord!
Leonard: That's not your water.
Raj: I know.