Penny: Boy, this is great. I haven't had a vacation in ages.
Sheldon: In order to take a vacation, one first has to work.
Penny: You know, for a smart guy, you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept, don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat.
Amy: That does seem to be a valid principle.

Howard: I just never figured that a guy like me going out with a girl like you would ever have to compete with a guy like that.
Bernadette: Wait a minute, "a girl like me"? What's that mean?
Howard: I'm-I'm--
Bernadette: Are you saying you don't think I'm hot enough to go out with a guy like Glenn?
Howard: No! No, I'm saying exactly the opposite.
Bernadette: I'm too hot to go out with a guy like Glenn?
Howard: Yeah, let's go with that.

Sheldon: Action.
Penny: Okay, it's not a movie. It's improv. So no one calls action.
Sheldon: Hey, you taught me something. Who would have thought that.

Amy: Well, the first thing that comes to mind is isolating the part of your brain where the memory is stored and destroying it with a laser.
Sheldon: Hmm, no. One slip of the hand and suddenly I'm sitting in the Engineering Department, building doodads with Wolowitz.

Leonard: I'm still not adjusted to how the SyFy channel spells their name now. S-Y-F-Y, that's siffy.

Penny: Okay, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is an American classic.
Sheldon: So is the McRib sandwich. I don't care for that either.

Penny: What are you guys doing?
Leonard: Sheldon gave a lecture at the university tonight. We're reading the reviews.
Penny: Oh. How'd he do?
Howard: Well, picture the Hindenburg meets Chernobyl meets Three Mile Island meets Tron 2.

Penny: (On the phone) Mrs. Cooper, hey, it's Penny. Yeah, I think I broke your son. Hey, hold on. Talk to your mother.
Sheldon: Mommy, I love you. Don't let Spock take me to the future!

Raj: Yeah, okay, so, zombies.
Leonard: I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj. Are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies? Like, in 28 Days, if those zombies didn't eat, they starved.
Howard: You're thinking of 28 Days Later. 28 Days is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab and puts the audience into an un-dead state
Raj: Hey, don't bag on Sandra Bullock! You think it makes you look cultured, but you just come off as bitter.

President Siebert: Ah. There's my band of brainiacs. Where's Dr. Cooper?
Leonard: He's tearing the mask off nature to look at the face of God.

Amy: Sheldon, like it or not, until you manage to upload your intelligence into a self-sustaining orbiting satellite, equipped with high-speed Internet and a cloaking device, you will be dependent on other members of the human race.
Sheldon: That's it. Prepare to be minimized.
Amy: I'm not finished. All scientists have to fund-raise, Sheldon. How do you think I paid for my lab?
I went to Saudi Arabia and met with a prince who had an interest in neurobiology.
Sheldon: Your lab is funded by some Middle-Eastern dilettante?
Amy: Technically, Faisal is my fiance. But I do have a state-of-the-art two-photon microscope and a place to stay in Riyadh for the winter.
Sheldon: Well, that explains those puzzling camel race photos on your Facebook page.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, so, eventually, zombies are going to attack the rehab facility where Sandra Bullock is?
Penny: Yes, Sheldon. Keep watching.
Sheldon: You know, it's a shame, all that work she's doing to get sober, only to be torn apart and eaten alive.

Penny: Ooh, I thought I smelled pizza.
Sheldon: That's remarkable. If pepperoni were an explosive substance, you could replace German shepherds at our nation's airports.

Penny: Today I drove to Van Nuys for an audition I thought was going to be for a cat food commercial. Turned out to be for porn.
Sheldon: Did you get the part?
Penny: I didn't do the audition.
Sheldon: Given the state of your career, can you really afford to be picky?

Amy: It seems like the appropriate thing to do when one's best friend finds herself replaced by a smart, beautiful woman with the smouldering sexuality of a crouched Bengal tiger.