Sheldon: Point of inquiry. Given that Leonard is your secondary friend and Koothrappali is your primary friend, why didn't you seek refuge under his roof?
Howard: There's no room. His sister is staying with him.
Leonard: Wait, wait. What?
Sheldon: Cocoa, Leonard. Focus. I'm down in the dumps here.

Bernadette: I can't do this any more! I'm a good girl. I went to Catholic school!

Howard: New puzzle, Ma. Same name. One N, two D's, three O's.
Mrs. Wolowitz: (offscreen) Whoopi and Rube Goldberg!
Sheldon: That's uncanny.
Howard: I know. It's her superpower. Well, that and jiggling her arm fat.

Amy: It seems like the appropriate thing to do when one's best friend finds herself replaced by a smart, beautiful woman with the smouldering sexuality of a crouched Bengal tiger.

Penny: Today I drove to Van Nuys for an audition I thought was going to be for a cat food commercial. Turned out to be for porn.
Sheldon: Did you get the part?
Penny: I didn't do the audition.
Sheldon: Given the state of your career, can you really afford to be picky?

Penny: Ooh, I thought I smelled pizza.
Sheldon: That's remarkable. If pepperoni were an explosive substance, you could replace German shepherds at our nation's airports.

Leonard: Hi. Hey, Raj, will you be joining us for dinner?
Raj: The lonely guy and the two happy couples? I'd rather get a prostate exam from a leper who walks away with nine fingers.

Leonard: You're kidding. 3-D?
Bernadette: That's what I hear.
Howard: Then the studio must have real faith in it.

Penny: What are you guys doing?
Leonard: Sheldon gave a lecture at the university tonight. We're reading the reviews.
Penny: Oh. How'd he do?
Howard: Well, picture the Hindenburg meets Chernobyl meets Three Mile Island meets Tron 2.

Penny: (On the phone) Mrs. Cooper, hey, it's Penny. Yeah, I think I broke your son. Hey, hold on. Talk to your mother.
Sheldon: Mommy, I love you. Don't let Spock take me to the future!

Sheldon: I'm sorry, I thought this delay was so you could watch Wheel of Fortune with your mother.
Howard: I am. She's just bleaching her mustache. Check it out. Hey, Ma! Before and After! Four words, 17 letters, two N's, one V.
Mrs. Wolowitz: (offscreen) Fanny pack of wolves.
Leonard: That's incredible.
Howard: Yeah, she's kind of a Wheel savant.

Leonard: Really? You're going to risk getting sleepy in the middle of your themodynamic fluctuations seminar? You know what happens when you yawn in public.
Sheldon: Everyone will see my oddly shaped uvula.

Penny: Okay, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is an American classic.
Sheldon: So is the McRib sandwich. I don't care for that either.

Leonard: I'm still not adjusted to how the SyFy channel spells their name now. S-Y-F-Y, that's siffy.

Sheldon: I don't understand why you people are picking on my friend, Howard, when there are much more serious security threats to pursue. For instance, when I first met Leonard, he was on the verge of giving away rocket secrets to a North Korean spy, and not one agent ever investigated that.
Agent Page: This is Leonard Hofstadter?
Sheldon: No, it's a different Leonard. He's Chinese, red hair, six fingers. Good-bye.