Penny: Boy, this is great. I haven't had a vacation in ages.
Sheldon: In order to take a vacation, one first has to work.
Penny: You know, for a smart guy, you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept, don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat.
Amy: That does seem to be a valid principle.

Zack: Hey, Penny, how's it going?
Penny: Hey, Zack, what are you doing here?
Zack: My dad's company prints the menus for this place. I'm just dropping off some new ones, laminated. Makes 'em easier to clean if people throw up on 'em. Guess how I got the idea?
Penny: Yeah, I got it, I got it.

Leonard: Hypothetically, if I had access to a lieutenant Uhura uniform, would you wear it?
Priya: Leonard, it is a source of great pain to me and my family that my brother has that outfit in his wardrobe.

Leonard: Why don't we play this smart? Try a little good goblin, bad goblin.
Priya: Oh, dear Lord.
Howard: Nah, I think we have to be more subtle.
Raj: Okay, I see where this is going. Fine, I'll have sex with him.
Leonard: That's not where it was going.
Raj: Good, because I would hate that.

Amy Farrah Fowler (text message): I don't care for perchloroethylene, and I don't like glycol ether.

Raj: Sheldon, listen to me. I have a big decision to make, and I'm scared.
Sheldon: Yellow. Go ahead.
Raj: A friend at the School of Pharmacology gave me these new pills they're testing. He says it's the next big thing for social anxiety disorder.
Sheldon: Fascinating. What's in it?
Raj: I'm not sure. Some sort of beta-blocker attached to a molecule extracted from the urine of cows.
Sheldon: I like cows.
Raj: That's not the point.
Sheldon: It was its own point. Go on.
Raj: I'm a scientist. My ability to think is my bread and butter. I'm afraid if I take this, I might lose that special, unique something that makes me so successful in my field.
Sheldon: Rajesh, I've had the privilege of working alongside you for many years. My recommendation is that you gobble these up like Tic Tacs.

Doctor: Mr. Wolowitz?
Howard: Is she okay?
Doctor: It wasn't a heart attack. She's awake, she's resting comfortably. We're still running a few tests.
Howard: Can I see her?
Doctor: Actually, she said, and I quote, she'd like to see the little Catholic girl first.
Bernadette: Me? Why me?
Howard: Jews have been asking that for centuries. There's no real good answer.

Zack: Okay, I'm ready. I'm Zack, and I'm, uh ... oh, crap, why is this so hard?

Howard: I just never figured that a guy like me going out with a girl like you would ever have to compete with a guy like that.
Bernadette: Wait a minute, "a girl like me"? What's that mean?
Howard: I'm-I'm--
Bernadette: Are you saying you don't think I'm hot enough to go out with a guy like Glenn?
Howard: No! No, I'm saying exactly the opposite.
Bernadette: I'm too hot to go out with a guy like Glenn?
Howard: Yeah, let's go with that.

Sheldon: Now to business. Eighteen years ago, I sent the FBI Crime Lab samples from a bag of excrement that had been lit on fire on my front porch for fingerprinting and DNA analysis. Why haven't I heard back yet?
Agent Page: Well, the FBI Crime Lab does have a lot on its plate.
Sheldon: That's of little comfort to a nation attempting to scrape burning faeces off its shoes.

Penny: That's amazing.
Sheldon: I wouldn't say amazing. At best it's a modest leap forward from the basic technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.
Howard: Hey, Sheldon? Ahem.
Sheldon: Yes?
*Howard commands the robot arm to perform a hand gesture*
Sheldon: Peace?
Howard: No, not peace. Hang on.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, so, eventually, zombies are going to attack the rehab facility where Sandra Bullock is?
Penny: Yes, Sheldon. Keep watching.
Sheldon: You know, it's a shame, all that work she's doing to get sober, only to be torn apart and eaten alive.

Dr. Koothrappali: We heard there was a tornado in Kansas City, is that close to you?
Priya: No.

Sheldon: Are you Todd Zarnecki?
Todd Zarnecki: Yeah. Who are you?
Sheldon: I am Sheldor of Azeroth. I want my things back.
Todd Zarnecki: I don't think so. Let me see that.
Sheldon: Careful. That's a collectible.
Todd Zarnecki: I know. I've always wanted one. (Closes door, taking Sheldon's bat'leth)
Sheldon: Well, he's even more cunning than we thought.

Penny: What are you guys doing?
Leonard: Sheldon gave a lecture at the university tonight. We're reading the reviews.
Penny: Oh. How'd he do?
Howard: Well, picture the Hindenburg meets Chernobyl meets Three Mile Island meets Tron 2.