Howard: Whoa! Somebody's auctioning off a jewelled ostrich bridle!
Sheldon: No. Glenn's was leather. He was a simple ostrich. Is! Is, I haven't given up hope.

Penny: Did you know last weekend Priya took Leonard rollerblading at the beach? Can you believe that?
Bernadette: I feel like I'm supposed to say that bitch, but I don't have enough information.
Penny: I am the one who spent two years trying to get him to even go to the beach in the first place. And he was so phobic about stepping on medical waste, I had to carry him to the water.
Bernadette: I took Howard to the beach once. He almost burst into flames like a vampire.

Penny: So what's the thanks I get for turning Leonard into quality boyfriend material? I have to tiptoe around his new girlfriend.
Amy: I think you're on.
Bernadette: Oh. That bitch!

Howard: All right, here we are, this is the tavern where all the black-market weapon trades go down.
Raj: I don't think my character should be in a place like this. Everyone's undressing her with their eyes.
Howard: Maybe if you stop dropping your sword and bending over to pick it up.

Howard: So, how do you guys want to play this?
Sheldon: Be ruthless. You tell him if he doesn't start talking, we'll register a complaint with his Internet service provider.
Raj: Sheldon, what if he gets his Internet from his cable company? He could lose his HBO and all their delightful original programming.
Sheldon: I don't care! I'm losin' it, man!

Leonard: Why don't we play this smart? Try a little good goblin, bad goblin.
Priya: Oh, dear Lord.
Howard: Nah, I think we have to be more subtle.
Raj: Okay, I see where this is going. Fine, I'll have sex with him.
Leonard: That's not where it was going.
Raj: Good, because I would hate that.

Leonard: Fine. You walk up to the house, knock on the door and demand your stuff back. What if he says no?
Sheldon: I don't know if you've been following the news, Leonard, but there have been some terrific advancements in the field of torture.
Leonard: No one's getting tortured.
Sheldon: Fine, we'll abide by the Geneva Convention.

Sheldon: But ask yourself this, in the course of our lives, how much lunch money has been taken from us? How many kites? How many Scooby-Doo Trapper Keepers?
Raj: I totally had one of those.
Sheldon: Of course you did. It was a fun and practical way of organizing your school work. But the bullies took it from us. Well, no more. Tonight, we take back our dignity, our birthright and our pride.

Raj: I have a hip-hop aerobics class at five, could we go after?
Sheldon: Sure.
Howard: Also, tonight's the Sabbath and my mother and I have a tradition of lighting the candles and watching Wheel of Fortune, so If we could leave at eight, we'd still be able to regain our birthright at ten, ten thirty latest.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, I thought this delay was so you could watch Wheel of Fortune with your mother.
Howard: I am. She's just bleaching her mustache. Check it out. Hey, Ma! Before and After! Four words, 17 letters, two N's, one V.
Mrs. Wolowitz: (offscreen) Fanny pack of wolves.
Leonard: That's incredible.
Howard: Yeah, she's kind of a Wheel savant.

Howard: New puzzle, Ma. Same name. One N, two D's, three O's.
Mrs. Wolowitz: (offscreen) Whoopi and Rube Goldberg!
Sheldon: That's uncanny.
Howard: I know. It's her superpower. Well, that and jiggling her arm fat.

Sheldon: I almost feel sorry for the poor fool, sitting in his split-level suburban ranch, unaware that a vengeful horde is barreling down the San Diego Freeway at 71 miles an hour. Ease up there, lead foot. You trying to get us killed?

Howard: Next time we go to kick someone's ass, we take the train.
Sheldon: I always prefer the train.

Leonard: Okay, let's get clear on something. We're just going to tell this guy to transfer all of your stuff back into your account and then be on our way. No one's batlething anybody.
Sheldon: So my blade shall not taste blood tonight?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, now I just feel silly holding it.

Sheldon: Can I at least kick down the door?
Leonard: You're welcome to try, but the other day, it took you 15 minutes to get into a FedEx box.