Mrs. Wolowitz: I don't know who you're talking to, but in or out! We don't need bugs!
Howard: The bugs only come here because you're their queen!

Penny: You're a brain scientist. Can you explain to me why a brilliant man likes playing with toy trains?
Amy: Not without cutting his head open, no.

Amy: How about making my eyes like Cleopatra?
Penny: Really? For a wedding?
Amy: Perhaps you're right. My cheekbones and beckoning pelvis already have a certain hello sailor quality to them.

Leonard: Ready.
Penny: Aww, so handsome. Like James Bond.
Sheldon: Better than James Bond, because he's tinier!

Howard: So, dinner went nice.
Bernadette: Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Does your mother always cut your meat for you?
Howard: Only when it's fatty. Well, don't be jealous, babe. Someday you'll get to cut it for me.

Amy: Would you like to dance?
Leonard: No, thank you. I'm really not much of a dancer.
Amy: You're not exactly winning any trophies as a conversationalist, either.

Leonard: I'm sorry. The bride and groom seem happy.
Amy: Why shouldn't they be? They have a feverish night of socially-approved copulation ahead of them. In some cultures, we'd stand outside of their bedroom cheering as they achieved orgasm.
Leonard: That sounds like a late night, and I have work in the morning, so...

Howard: Ready for bed?
Bernadette: No. I need to brush my teeth, but your mother's been in the bathroom for, like, an hour.
Howard: Oh. Yeah, she sometimes has problems doing her business. Hang on. Ma, give up! Tonight's not your night!
Mrs. Wolowitz: You don't know that! I just sat down!

Howard: Come on, take a break! Bernadette needs to brush her teeth!
Mrs. Wolowitz: She can come in and brush her teeth! I'm not embarrassed!
Howard: Problem solved.
Bernadette: No, it's not. I'm not going in there.
Howard: Oh, come on, honey. She's just sitting in there reading a magazine. You can't see anything. I go in all the time.

Leonard: I did have a great time. Thank you for reminding me it's okay to have fun once in a while.
Amy: You're welcome.
Leonard: And also for breaking the head off the ice swan so I could hold it against my pulled groin.
Amy: I excel at spatial reasoning, and I had a hunch that the graceful slope of its neck would cradle your genitals nicely.

Penny: Oh, God, did he make a move on you?
Amy: No, but it's only a matter of time. How could I have not seen this coming? Now I'm gonna have to break the little sad sack’s heart.
Penny: Yeah, I'm sure he'll be okay.
Amy: Oh, Penny, much as I would treasure knowing that the two of us had been defiled by the same man, Leonard just doesn't get my motor running.

Penny: So, um, what are you gonna do? Do you want me to talk to Leonard, let him down easy?
Amy: No. I'll let him have tonight. Then in the morning, I'll send him an e-mail letting him know this body is never gonna be his wonderland. I mean, frankly, you've got a better shot than he does.

Howard: He likes your eyes.
Raj: You're making me sound like a caveman.
Howard: She says, "thank you, and you have nice eyes, too."
Raj: Really? Ask her how many children she wants, and whatever number she says, say me too.
Howard: No.

Raj: Oh, Mummy, Daddy. What a nice surprise.
Dr. Koothrappali: No, it's not a nice surprise, it's a bad surprise.

Mrs. Koothrappali: She told us you're spending all our money on your new girlfriend.
Raj: I just got her a couple of things. She gives me things, too.
Dr. Koothrappali: Yeah, yeah, I'm a gynecologist. I know exactly what she gives you.