Season 5 Quotes Page 43 of 57

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Quote from Leonard in the episode The Friendship Contraction

Raj: Why do you put six sugars in your coffee?
Leonard: Because the cafeteria doesn't offer little packets of methamphetamine.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Friendship Contraction

Howard: Emergency drill night last night, huh?
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Raj: How'd you do?
Sheldon: I'll tell you exactly how he did. Readiness: unsatisfactory. Follows direction: barely. Attitude: a little too much. Overall: not only will he probably die in a fiery inferno, his incessant whining would most certainly spoil everyone else's day.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Friendship Contraction

Leonard: You know what, I'm so tired I can't even think straight. I'm going home. Will one of you guys give this nutbag a ride back later?
Sheldon: You can't go home. You have to take me to the dentist at four o'clock.
Leonard: Oh, can't you take the bus to the dentist?
Sheldon: Of course I can. It's coming back under the residual effects of the anesthesia, that's the problem. Two years ago after a deep gum cleaning, I thought I got on a bus but somehow wound up on a booze cruise to Mexico.
Raj: They put you under for a cleaning?
Sheldon: Yeah, they have to, I'm a biter.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Friendship Contraction

Leonard: Whatever, Sheldon. I'm exhausted. I'm not taking you to the dentist.
Sheldon: Wrong, sir. Wrong. Under section 37B of the roommate agreement, miscellaneous duties, you are obligated to take me to the dentist. See? It's right here after providing a confirmation sniff on questionable dairy products.
Leonard: You know what, I am sick of the roommate agreement. It's ridiculous. I'm your roommate, not your chauffeur. You know, I had better things to do yesterday than drive you all the way to the good model train store in Garden Grove because the one in Pasadena has gotten too big for its britches.
Sheldon: Well, it has. Ask anybody.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Friendship Contraction

Bernadette: Howard doesn't make me do his shopping, or take him to the dentist, or pick up his dry cleaning, right?
Howard: Absolutely. But when Ma's hips give out, you're up, kid.

Quote from Raj in the episode The Friendship Contraction

Sheldon: Well, if Amy's too busy, that gives the rest of you an opportunity to make my life easier, thus assuring yourselves a footnote in my memoirs, tentatively entitled "You're Welcome, Mankind". All right, then, just shout when you hear the task you want to undertake. Uh, dentist. Okay, we can circle back to that one. Um, well, who wants to take me Wednesday morning to get new heels put on my dress shoes? Anyone? Oh. That one had hoot written all over it. Um, all right, uh, dermatologist? Allergist? Podiatrist? Supercuts? Okay, okay, here's a fun one. Um, I need a new picture frame and I have a hankering for Swedish meatballs. Who wants to spend the day with me at IKEA?
Raj: Their meatballs are pretty good.
Sheldon: What's that?
Raj: Nothing, nothing.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Friendship Contraction

Sheldon: Hello, Stuart.
Stuart: Oh, hey, Sheldon. Can I help you find something today?
Sheldon: No, no. I was just sitting at home thinking about how it might be nice to catch up with my ninth favorite person.
Stuart: Ninth?
Sheldon: You moved up one. My pen pal in Somalia was kidnapped by pirates.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Friendship Contraction

Sheldon: On a cheerier note, I have a teeth-cleaning appointment this afternoon. What do you say you take me over there, buddy boy?
Stuart: I'm sorry, you want me to take you to the dentist?
Sheldon: Yes. And now, I can't make any promises, but that's the sort of thing that gets a fella on the short list for the number eight friend slot.
Stuart: Sheldon, I'm working. I can't take you to the dentist. Also, and I can't stress this enough, I don't want to take you to the dentist.
Sheldon: Can't help a friend out in a time of need, huh? I see where your therapist was coming from.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Friendship Contraction

Leonard: Fine, what is it?
Sheldon: I'm making s'mores. I wanted to alert you in case you smelled caramelizing marshmallows and thought a nearby candy factory was on fire.
Leonard: S'mores, huh? Good for you.
Sheldon: Yes, or good for us if you sign here and reinstate the full roommate agreement.
Leonard: No, thanks. I'm good.
Sheldon: Really? Huh! Okay. In that case, I will have a s'more by myself. And then I'm gonna have s'more. By myself.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Vacation Solution

Raj: Hey, guys, guys, President Siebert is headed this way.
Howard: I wonder what he wants.
Leonard: Doesn't look happy, so I'm guessing he wants to talk to Sheldon.
President Siebert: Dr. Cooper?
Leonard: Told ya.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Vacation Solution

Sheldon: Oh, President Siebert, I assume you'd like to respond to one of the suggestions I put in the box by your office.
President Siebert: No, and stop installing suggestion boxes everywhere.
Sheldon: You don't like written suggestions. You don't like when I give them to you while we're urinating in the men's room. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're one of those stubborn people who are not open to suggestions.

Quote from other character in the episode The Vacation Solution

President Siebert: Dr. Cooper, the physics department chair tells me you're refusing to take your vacation.
Sheldon: I don't need a vacation.
President Siebert: You're obligated to take one. And I'd also like you to know the most-often received suggestion in my suggestion box you installed without asking me is can Dr. Cooper take a vacation?

Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Vacation Solution

Penny: I'm so glad you talked Howard out of having your wedding invitations in Klingon.
Bernadette: Turn it over. I'm hoping my relatives think it's Hebrew.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Vacation Solution

Amy: This is really happening. I'm gonna be a maid of honour. I'm gonna wear a beautiful dress and walk down that aisle and, finally, I will have my special day.
Bernadette: You mean my special day?
Amy: They're gonna need an extra-large veil for somebody's head.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Vacation Solution

Amy: Parental pressure can be daunting. I remember the battle with my mother about shaving my legs. Last year, I finally gave in and let her do it.

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