Season 5 Quotes Page 50 of 57
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Howard: I'll give your paper to Professor Hawking.
Sheldon: Great, thank you. Oh, that's terrific.
Howard: But in exchange, I'd like you to do a few things for me.
Sheldon: What kinds of things?
Howard: Are you familiar with the 12 labors of Hercules?
Sheldon: Of course.
Howard: You should be so lucky.
Sheldon: All right. What would you like me to do first?
Howard: Well, I thought I'd start you off by polishing my belt buckles.
Sheldon: Oh. By all means. When I was a boy, I would polish my Mee-Maw's silver. And she would entertain me with stories about growing up in Oklahoma. Interesting woman. You know, she once killed a prairie dog with a gravy boat.
Howard: That's nice.
Howard: Here is a black light to check them. And for your own peace of mind, you might not want to shine that around the rest of the room.
Howard: Sheldon, these look great. They're like magnificent little crowns to hang over my magnificent little jewels. How'd you get them so shiny?
Sheldon: Oh, I buffed them with Turtle Wax. The man down at Pep Boys says from now on, the urine should just bead up and roll right off.
Howard: Way to go the extra mile. Your Mee-Maw would be proud.
Sheldon: My Mee-Maw must never know of this.
Sheldon: (Wearing a French maid costume) What are you all staring at? Didn't you ever see a man try to get a meeting with Stephen Hawking before?
Penny: It's not Saturday night. Why are you doing your laundry?
Sheldon: This is not my laundry.
Penny: Wow, are these Amy's? Kind of trashy, good for her.
Sheldon: Those are Howard's.
Penny: Why are you washing Howard's man panties?
Sheldon: Because if I don't, he won't give my paper to Stephen Hawking. He's a famous physicist.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, I know. He's the wheelchair dude who invented time.
Sheldon: That's close enough.
Penny: I don't understand. Why doesn't Howard just introduce you to the guy?
Sheldon: Because he's punishing me for being a, quote, condescending jerk. You don't think I'm condescending, do you?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, condescending means...
Howard: What's the matter?
Bernadette: Every time I spend the night, your mom slaps me on the behind and says, go get 'im.
Howard: It's not her fault. She's getting hormone replacement therapy. Makes her crazy horny.
Bernadette: Why are you doing that? You're being mean to him.
Howard: He's mean to me all the time. You've heard him tease me about not having a doctorate.
Bernadette: If you don't want to get teased about that, get a doctorate. I have one, they're great.
Howard: Oh, guys, I just remembered. I got you some Hawking souvenirs.
Leonard: What are these?
Howard: Gears and springs from his wheelchair. Pretty cool, huh?
Raj: Wow, that's amazing.
Howard: Yeah, I made an adjustment on the motor drive and when I was putting it back together I could not for the life of me figure out where they went.
Sheldon: Now will you please present my paper to Professor Hawking?
Howard: I don't know.
Sheldon: Oh, for heaven's sake. I did your laundry. I peepee-proofed your belt buckle. I even sprained my wrist helping your mother lift her bosom.
Sheldon: Professor Hawking, it's an honor and a privilege to meet you, sir.
Stephen Hawking: I know.
Sheldon: I want to thank you for taking time to see me.
Stephen Hawking: My pleasure. I enjoyed reading your paper very much. You clearly have a brilliant mind.
Sheldon: I know.
Stephen Hawking: Your thesis that the Higgs boson is a black hole accelerating backwards through time is fascinating.
Sheldon: Thank you. It just came to me one morning in the shower.
Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, of course not. Its just, I was thinking Oh, gosh, golly, I made a boo-boo, and I gave it to Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking: Great, another fainter.