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Quote from Howard in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: I'll give your paper to Professor Hawking.
Sheldon: Great, thank you. Oh, that's terrific.
Howard: But in exchange, I'd like you to do a few things for me.
Sheldon: What kinds of things?
Howard: Are you familiar with the 12 labors of Hercules?
Sheldon: Of course.
Howard: You should be so lucky.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Sheldon: All right. What would you like me to do first?
Howard: Well, I thought I'd start you off by polishing my belt buckles.
Sheldon: Oh. By all means. When I was a boy, I would polish my Mee-Maw's silver. And she would entertain me with stories about growing up in Oklahoma. Interesting woman. You know, she once killed a prairie dog with a gravy boat.
Howard: That's nice.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: Here is a black light to check them. And for your own peace of mind, you might not want to shine that around the rest of the room.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: Sheldon, these look great. They're like magnificent little crowns to hang over my magnificent little jewels. How'd you get them so shiny?
Sheldon: Oh, I buffed them with Turtle Wax. The man down at Pep Boys says from now on, the urine should just bead up and roll right off.
Howard: Way to go the extra mile. Your Mee-Maw would be proud.
Sheldon: My Mee-Maw must never know of this.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Sheldon: (Wearing a French maid costume) What are you all staring at? Didn't you ever see a man try to get a meeting with Stephen Hawking before?

Quote from Penny in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Penny: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: It's not Saturday night. Why are you doing your laundry?
Sheldon: This is not my laundry.
Penny: Wow, are these Amy's? Kind of trashy, good for her.
Sheldon: Those are Howard's.
Penny: Ugh.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Penny: Why are you washing Howard's man panties?
Sheldon: Because if I don't, he won't give my paper to Stephen Hawking. He's a famous physicist.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, I know. He's the wheelchair dude who invented time.
Sheldon: That's close enough.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Penny: I don't understand. Why doesn't Howard just introduce you to the guy?
Sheldon: Because he's punishing me for being a, quote, condescending jerk. You don't think I'm condescending, do you?
Penny: Well...
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, condescending means...

Quote from Howard in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: What's the matter?
Bernadette: Every time I spend the night, your mom slaps me on the behind and says, go get 'im.
Howard: It's not her fault. She's getting hormone replacement therapy. Makes her crazy horny.

Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Bernadette: Why are you doing that? You're being mean to him.
Howard: He's mean to me all the time. You've heard him tease me about not having a doctorate.
Bernadette: If you don't want to get teased about that, get a doctorate. I have one, they're great.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: Oh, guys, I just remembered. I got you some Hawking souvenirs.
Leonard: What are these?
Howard: Gears and springs from his wheelchair. Pretty cool, huh?
Raj: Wow, that's amazing.
Howard: Yeah, I made an adjustment on the motor drive and when I was putting it back together I could not for the life of me figure out where they went.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Sheldon: Now will you please present my paper to Professor Hawking?
Howard: I don't know.
Sheldon: Oh, for heaven's sake. I did your laundry. I peepee-proofed your belt buckle. I even sprained my wrist helping your mother lift her bosom.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Sheldon: Professor Hawking, it's an honor and a privilege to meet you, sir.
Stephen Hawking: I know.
Sheldon: I want to thank you for taking time to see me.
Stephen Hawking: My pleasure. I enjoyed reading your paper very much. You clearly have a brilliant mind.
Sheldon: I know.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Stephen Hawking: Your thesis that the Higgs boson is a black hole accelerating backwards through time is fascinating.
Sheldon: Thank you. It just came to me one morning in the shower.

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation

Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, of course not. Its just, I was thinking Oh, gosh, golly, I made a boo-boo, and I gave it to Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking: Great, another fainter.

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