Season 5 Quotes Page 51 of 57
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Howard: All right, Sheldon. There's only one thing left I want you to do. Don't worry, it's an easy one.
Howard: Give me a compliment.
Sheldon: Fine. You have very tiny hands.
Howard: No, about my job. I want you to tell me I'm good at what I do.
Sheldon: You're obviously good at what you do.
Howard: Well, then why are you always ripping on me?
Sheldon: Oh, I understand the confusion. I have never said that you are not good at what you do. It's just that what you do is not worth doing.
Leonard: It's nicer than anything he's ever said to me. I'd take it and run.
Howard: Thank you, Sheldon.
Barry Kripke: Howard, I'm going to say something to you that everybody's thinking but nobody has the courage to say out loud. When you invite a man to a bachelor party, the implication is there will be strippers. Maybe not completely nude, but at least pasties and G-strings. That's not unreasonable!
Sheldon: I just threw up the bachelor party.
Leonard: It's a bachelor party. There could be strippes. Wouldn't that make you jealous?
Penny: Come on, Leonard, it's you. What's going to happen? I mean, even if there is a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye contact and maybe offer to help her kid with homework.
Penny: Well, have fun tonight.
Leonard: Oh, I will. There is no telling what might happen.
Penny: Yes, there is.
Leonard: Whoa, it's a little early to start dropping J-bombs, don't you think?
Sheldon: I wish you could all be inside my head. The conversation is sparkling.
Fine, I'll tell you. A lichen is an organism made up of two separate species, fungi and algae. If you could merge with another species, what species would you pick and why? Hint, there is a right answer. None of you will get it.
Raj: Okay, I'd pick swan because the resulting hybrid would have the advanced industrial civilization of a human and the long graceful neck I've always dreamed of having.
Leonard: Horse, but mostly just for the height. A little bit for the genital girth.
Sheldon: Wrong, and let's keep it clean, shall we?
Howard: Kangaroo. Uh, I'd be a Kanga-Jew - the first of my people to dunk a basketball.
Leonard: Also instead of just living in your mother's house, you could actually live inside her body.
Sheldon: Clever, but also wrong.
Raj: Maybe we can go up to Napa Valley. They've got that wine train.
Sheldon: Boo, wine! But yay, trains. I'm in.
Raj: I've been doing some research on strippers. One agency I spoke to, said I could get us a great price if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
Howard: Sounds like loads of fun, but I promised Bernadette no strippers.
Raj: You don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. The one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.
Howard: What can I tell ya, I'm not into that stuff any more.
Leonard: Good for you, Howard. I'm proud of you. And still, you're the first one of us to get married. We have to do something special.
Sheldon: You know Germans have an interesting pre-wedding custom.
Howard: Well, it's probably not for me.
Leonard: Hey, I got to hand it to Raj, he found a really nice spot to have a bachelor party.
Sheldon: It's not bad. Unless you compare it to a train, then it stinks.
Sheldon: I'm confused. I thought since our reconciliation, I was your friend in this group.
Wil Wheaton: Oh, I'm friends with Howard too.
Sheldon: Oh, I guess you're just friends with anybody. (drinks again) Urgh!