Penny: Well, have fun tonight.
Leonard: Oh, I will. There is no telling what might happen.
Penny: Yes, there is.

Leonard: Whoa, it's a little early to start dropping J-bombs, don't you think?

Sheldon: I wish you could all be inside my head. The conversation is sparkling.
Fine, I'll tell you. A lichen is an organism made up of two separate species, fungi and algae. If you could merge with another species, what species would you pick and why? Hint, there is a right answer. None of you will get it.

Raj: Okay, I'd pick swan because the resulting hybrid would have the advanced industrial civilization of a human and the long graceful neck I've always dreamed of having.
Sheldon: Wrong.

Sheldon: Leonard?
Leonard: Horse, but mostly just for the height. A little bit for the genital girth.
Sheldon: Wrong, and let's keep it clean, shall we?

Howard: Kangaroo. Uh, I'd be a Kanga-Jew - the first of my people to dunk a basketball.
Leonard: Also instead of just living in your mother's house, you could actually live inside her body.
Sheldon: Clever, but also wrong.

Raj: Maybe we can go up to Napa Valley. They've got that wine train.
Sheldon: Boo, wine! But yay, trains. I'm in.

Raj: I've been doing some research on strippers. One agency I spoke to, said I could get us a great price if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
Howard: Sounds like loads of fun, but I promised Bernadette no strippers.
Raj: You don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. The one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.
Howard: What can I tell ya, I'm not into that stuff any more.

Leonard: Hey, I got to hand it to Raj, he found a really nice spot to have a bachelor party.
Sheldon: It's not bad. Unless you compare it to a train, then it stinks.

Sheldon: I'm confused. I thought since our reconciliation, I was your friend in this group.
Wil Wheaton: Oh, I'm friends with Howard too.
Sheldon: Oh, I guess you're just friends with anybody. (drinks again) Urgh!

Bernadette: These are gift bags we're going to put in the hotel rooms of our out-of-town guests. This is a map of Pasadena. This is a list of local restaurants. And then, for Howie's relatives, we have antihistamines, antacids, and medicine for diarrhea and constipation.
Penny: Yeah, we labeled them stop and go.

Bernadette: I've actually been thinking I'm going to hyphenate, Bernadette Mary-Ann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
Penny: Nice. You know, you should totally get BernadetteMaryAnnRostenkowskiWolowitz.com before someone snaps it up.
Bernadette: Howard already took care of it.

Raj: May I have your attention, please? We are here tonight to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of my best friend Howard Wolowitz.
Everybody: Hear! Hear!
Sheldon: And apparently Wil Wheaton's best friend.
Wil Wheaton: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Talk to the hand.

Leonard: So, Howard Wolowitz tying the knot. Leaving his crazy bachelor days behind. He was a wild one. Well, I guess we all kind of were. I remember this one time, I was with this girl at the beach. We were in the ocean and we started making out. I know, it was crazy. I wasn't even wearing my Aquasocks.

Raj: The only threesome I've ever had in my life, and I'm proud to say it was with this man right here.
Howard: Oh, please shut up.