Howard: My religion's kinda loosey-goosey. Basically, as long as you got your schmekel clipped and don't wear a cross, you're good.

Bernadette: Howie, you promised you'd move.
Howard: And I will.
Penny: Yeah, right.
Howard: I will. I'm obviously not going to live in my mother's house for the rest of my life. I'm not a child.
Penny: I've seen her burp you.
Howard: She did not burp me. She was patting me on the back, and I happened to burp.

Raj: I have a thick accent. You don't know what I said.

Sheldon: Yes. I play the word quiver with a triple letter and a double word score for 72 points. That ought to let the air out of your tires, Hawking.

Penny: So what are you drinking?
Sheldon: Well, it’s been a rough day. I usually go chamomile tea, but I don't think that's going to cut it.
Penny: You could have a Long Island Iced Tea.
Sheldon: Will that calm my nerves?
Penny: It's calmed the pants off me a couple of times.
Sheldon: Sold.

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
Sheldon: Wouldn't you like to know?
Wil Wheaton: Have you been drinking?
Sheldon: Just tea. S'the best tea I've ever had.
Wil Wheaton: Why are you here?
Sheldon: I'll tell you. I'm from Texas. Need I say more?
Wil Wheaton: Yeah, actually, a little more would be helpful.

Sheldon: You insulted my woman. I'm here to defend her honor. Two! It was two. *Knock, knock, knock* Wil Wheaton! Now prepare yourself for what may come.

Bernadette: Aw, she'll be okay. She's a grown woman.
Howard: I know. It's just ever since my dad left, I've felt responsible for her.
Bernadette: That's a lot for a kid to deal with.
Howard: She was just so sad all the time. I was the only person who could cheer her up. Well, me and Ben and Jerry.
Bernadette: She's lucky you were there.
Howard: You know, she's why I first got into magic. I would do little shows for her, hang up a bedsheet like it was a curtain, put on a top hat and cape. And part way through the act, I would say I needed a volunteer from the audience to be my beautiful assistant and invite her up on stage. I can still remember the way she'd smile. For a few minutes, she'd forget how lonely she was.
Bernadette: Aw, crap. Let's go.
Howard: Where we going?
Bernadette: Grab a box. We'll sleep at your mother's place tonight.
Howard: No, but I want to live here.
Bernadette: Well, you should've thought of that before you told me the stupid magic trick story.

Amy: I once looked in Sheldon's underwear drawer. He yelled at me. But now I know what it looks like and he can never take that away.

Penny: Come on, someone insulted your girlfriend and you just let him do it. I thought you Texas guys stood up for your womenfok.
Sheldon: Penny, please. I think I've evolved beyond my simple rustic upbringing.
Penny: Sorry.
Sheldon: On the other hand, that low-down polecat done wronged my woman.

Wil Wheaton: Okay, I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Well, that was a long bus ride for not very much.
Wil Wheaton: Are you okay?
Sheldon: You're asking a lot of questions, Wil Wheaton. As a matter of idle curiosity, which of your shrubberies do you feel would benefit from a thorough vomiting? Never mind, I'll choose. (Vomits) You were so good in Stand by Me.

Sheldon: Oh, Amy. And you wonder why people think neuroscience is nothing but a goofy game for diaper babies?

Howard: I wish we looked as cool dancing in the clubs as we do right now.
Leonard: Don't worry, this is exactly how you look when you're dancing in clubs.
Raj: You're welcome, ladies.

Sheldon: I don't know what she's talking about, but I'm obligated to agree with her. She's my girlfriend.
LeVar Burton: Ah, I hear you, brother. I still get lunch, right?

Amy: I don't care for your friend, he's being rude to me. You need to ask him to leave.
Sheldon: Amy, I can't just ask Wil Wheaton to leave. He's a minor celebrity. Once you explain who he is, many people recognize him.