Amy: Fine. Then maybe I should go.
Sheldon: Could you? That would solve everything. You are the best. I'll see you at dinner tonight?
Amy: You sure you wouldn't rather have dinner with your friend Wil Wheaton?
Sheldon: Come to think of it, I would! You, little lady, are on fire.

Leonard: My point is, immortality is not only a possibility, it is real.
Raj: Only if you're this jellyfish which periodically reverts to a mass of undifferentiated protoplasm.
Sheldon: If I could keep my gMail account, I'd be okay with that.

Penny: Now, ladies, we got a B-minus on this paper. I think if we put our heads together, on the next one we could get an A.
Bernadette: Uh, but we got you a B-minus on purpose to make it believable.
Penny: Believable? You saying I'm not smart?
Bernadette: No, no!
Amy: You're smart.
Penny: That's better.

Penny: Spaghetti okay?
Leonard: It's crunchy. Just the way I like it.
Penny: Yeah, I don't think the water was really boiling.

Leonard: Buddy, I think Amy might be upset.
Sheldon: Why's that?
Leonard: Because your friend was rude to her, and then you went to dinner with him.
Sheldon: You're just repeating what I said. It's like living with a lactose-intolerant parrot.
Leonard: Trust me, call her.
Sheldon: Fine. It's a shame you didn't go to dinner with us, because the buffet you're about to enjoy only serves humble pie, a dessert much less tasty than frozen yogurt. I was this close.

Leonard: Good morning, sunshine.
Penny: Leonard. It's eight a.m. It's like the middle of the night.

Leonard: Hold on. Wil and Amy had an argument?
Sheldon: Yes, quite the kerfuffle.
Leonard: Then Amy got mad and left?
Sheldon: Walked right out the door.
Leonard: And you?
Sheldon: Enjoyed a delightful dinner at a reasonable price. The manager recognized Wil and let us sit right next to the frozen yogurt machine. Right next to it. I was closer to it than I am to you right now.

Kripke: If you need my nose, you'll find it firmly lodged up the rectum of the tenure committee.

Howard: Okay, I see what you're getting at. How about this weekend I'll box up all my things and move them to our place.
Bernadette: Thank you.
Howard: The lightsabres are gonna look great in the living room.
Bernadette: Or in the closet. We can decide later.

Penny: What's-what's that?
Leonard: Uh, that is an integrated ion trap and time-of-flight mass spectrometer.
Penny: Wow. High-techie-techie. What's this little box?
Leonard: That is a pencil sharpener.
Penny: Ooh, low-techie-techie.

Penny: Now behave yourself and eat your dinner. Maybe later, if you're lucky, you get to sleep with a college girl.
Leonard: Really? 'cause I went to four years of college and five years of grad school, that never happened once.

Leonard: Am I allowed to ask how the class is going?
Penny: It's really good. We've been talking about the origins of slavery. Turn in my first paper tomorrow.
Leonard: Great topic. I can help with that. There are lots of different perspectives you can take, economic, sociological, political.
Penny: Hey hey hey, this is my paper. And my perspective is that slavery is bad. Oh, and my professor's black, so I'm pretty sure thats the right answer.

Amy: I've come up with a series of exercises to help with your compulsive need for closure.
Sheldon: I take issue with the word compulsive.
Amy: All I'm saying is, we live in a world where closure isn't always an op...
Sheldon: -tion. Okay. For the sake of argument, let's say I have a problem. What would be your plan for addressing it?

Penny: Hey, what's this?
Leonard: Uh, before you open that, um, are you familiar with the story of "The Shoemaker and the Elves"?
Penny: Elves? Come on, Leonard. It's too early for Lord of the Rings.

Sheldon: I must say, I go back and fourth between this whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing, but those moments when you worship me really keep you in the running