Raj: I was going to spend the night with my special little lady, but she got worms and I had to take her to the vet.

Sheldon: It's a quark-gluon plasma.
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: It's asymptotically free partons inside a quark-gluon plasma.
Leonard: Nothing with quarks.
Sheldon: It's an observational rebuttal of the Lambda-CDM model of the universe.
Leonard: No.
Penny: It's a chocolate chip cookie.
Amy: Yes.
Leonard: How could you miss that?
Sheldon: Hey, if you want someone to guess chocolate chip cookie, you draw a glass of milk next to it.
Leonard: Penny got it.
Sheldon: Yeah, only after I eliminated all the obvious answers. You're welcome.

Sheldon: Oh, good, Leonard, you're here. Science news. This will interest you. And, Penny, feel free to paint your nails.
Leonard: What do you got?
Sheldon: I believe Alex may have unearthed the grade school science project that could be my ticket to the Nobel Prize. Behold.
Leonard: "Magnets: What Do They Stick To?" If the answer is metal, it's not exactly groundbreaking.
Sheldon: The original title was A Rederivation of Maxwell's Equations Regarding Electromagnetism. I dumbed it down because some of the more religious people in town were starting to say I was a witch.

Leonard: Maybe it's a shipping problem.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.

Sheldon: Payback, it truly is the B word, isn't it?

Penny: Hey, sorry this took so long. But you used to work here, you know how it is.
Bernadette: Kitchen slammed again?
Penny: No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember?

Leonard: Hang on. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Chess clock. We each get five minutes to talk about our problems. We'll take turns. Each turn will consist of a statement and a helpful response from the friend. Begin.
Sheldon: I humiliated Stephen Hawking in a game of Words with Friends. He stopped playing, and now we're not friends anymore.
Leonard: He's probably busy. You're worried about nothing. Give it a couple more days. I'm sure he'll play, and you'll see that everything's fine. My turn. I can't let Penny hand in a bad paper, but how do I tell her it's bad without letting her know that I read it?
Sheldon: Hmm. Beats me. Now, I know Hawking's not busy because I can see he's playing other people right now.
Leonard: Maybe since you're so good, he's taking his time to meet the challenge. I want Penny to enjoy school...
Sheldon: Wolowitz told me he's a big baby. But I didn't know that, and I played extract for 82 points. It's all Amy's fault. She told me to play it. I have got to cut her loose.

Howard: You're still at my mother's?
Raj: I'm trapped. My clothes have been in the laundry all day, and she hid my keys. I think they might be in her bra, because she jingles when she walks. What do I do?
Howard: Hey, you wanted a woman in your life. Now you got one.

Stuart: I gotta tell you, this is the most holiday fun I've had since my therapist changed my anxiety medication and I stopped caring about the blood in my stool.
Howard: Good story.

Penny: Oh gosh. Sheldon, the genius, is jealous of Leonard.
Sheldon: I'm not jealous. I'm just very unhappy that good things are happening for him and not happening for me.

Sheldon: I know it doesn't seem like it to you, but for me what we have is extremely intimate.
Amy: I guess I know that. It's just part of me wants more.
Sheldon: More? I mean, look at us. It's only been three years, here we are in bed together.

Amy: You think that's bad? In college, I passed out at a frat party and woke up with more clothes on.

Howard: Come on, we could have a pants party! Go put some on!

Raj: Ooh! Girls' night, girls' night. Ooh, ooh!
Stuart: How does he not hear that?

Sheldon: I just want you to get better as soon as possible. And with that in mind, let me ask you a question. Do you believe in the placebo effect?
Amy: Of course I do. There have been many studies proving its validity.
Sheldon: Great. Now, this may look like a Tic Tac, but it is really a powerful medication specifically designed to cure your illness as well as freshen your breath.