Leonard: Well, this time it's going to be different. Because I am like a romance ninja. You don't see it coming and then, bam, romance. Watch out! Hearts, kisses, love, ooh-ya!
Penny: You know, sometimes I think I've made you so much cooler than you used to be, and then you go and do something like that.

Alex: I know she's a fan of The Canterbury Tales. So I found this cool map that illustrates the characters' journey through England. I thought we could put it in a really nice frame.
Sheldon: But she's got Google Maps on her phone.
Alex: I don't know how to respond to that.

Raj: The theme will be that the greatest love a man can have is the love he has with himself.
Stuart: That's good. Or maybe something a little less hand in the pants.

Leonard: I never wanted to play the cello. How do you meet girls playing the cello? Hey, you want to come over to my house and listen to me play an instrument that sounds like a suicidal bumblebee?

Girl: So you just flew around? That's kind of like my uncle. He's a flight attendant.
Howard: No, I'm an American hero. Your uncle brings people nuts, okay?

Bernadette: We can't all be Cinderella.
Amy: Then how do we decide?
Bernadette: Well, it's simple. This was my idea. I'm driving. I'm Cinderella. You bitches got a problem with that, we could stop the car right now.

Penny: So blow off work and go on a weekday.
Amy: Hooky? I've never played hooky in my life. My mom said that's how girls end up addicted to reefer and jazz music.

Raj: Thanks again for letting me crash girls' night.
Penny: Are you kidding? You brought fancy wine and made fondue. I've slept with guys for less.
It's a joke. Based on real events.

Leonard: Guys, please don't make this a school project where I'm the smartest kid doing all the work while the slackers sit back and watch.
Sheldon: We're not. This time you're the smart kid doing all the work while the even smarter kids sit back and watch.
Howard: So, you think I'm one of the smarter kids?
Sheldon: No, you're a tool I was using to make my point.

Leonard: I'm thinking one way to counter bias in the peer-review process is for papers to be submitted under gender-neutral names. Like S. Smith instead of Samantha Smith.
Sheldon: I supposed there is a history for professional women using their initials so as not to be pre-judged. Harry Potter's J.K. Rowling, Star Trek's D.C. Fontana.
Howard: Van Nuys pole dancer D.D. Melons.

Leonard: It's nice of your old school to let us try out our science talk on some female students.
Howard: Well, they're actually pretty excited. I'm their most famous alum. If you don't count the serial killer who ate all those prostitutes.

Sheldon: Oh, Amy. And you wonder why people think neuroscience is nothing but a goofy game for diaper babies?

Howard: Listen to me, if she's writing about your relationship, use it to your advantage. Rig the game.
Raj: Well, that doesn't seem fair.
Howard: Is it fair that girls like confident, normal guys more than nervous weirdos?
Raj: No, it's not. I've always thought that was unfair.

Raj: I broke down and read Lucy's blog. In one of the entries, she said when we first met I struck her as a little feminine.
Howard: Just a little? That's great.

Sheldon: Why would the Chinese make our DVR record Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
Leonard: I don't know. It's a fat guy on a Segway. That's funny everywhere.