Wil Wheaton: Problem, first time director?

Wil Wheaton: Listen, Sheldon. I'm really happy to do this for you, but not if she's going to be a huge pain in the ass the whole time.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, help, my hand's stuck in the garbage disposal.
Howard: Let go of whatever piece of food you're holding.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Are you kidding? It's a perfectly good chicken leg.

Amy: I don't care for your friend, he's being rude to me. You need to ask him to leave.
Sheldon: Amy, I can't just ask Wil Wheaton to leave. He's a minor celebrity. Once you explain who he is, many people recognize him.

Sheldon: Wow, Amy's mad and Leonard was right. What a weird day.

Penny: Hey, sorry this took so long. But you used to work here, you know how it is.
Bernadette: Kitchen slammed again?
Penny: No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember?

Raj: Wow. An end of an era.
Howard: Boy, if these walls could talk.
Leonard: They'd say, why does he touch himself so much?
Howard: Yeah.

Sheldon: Penny, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to have a conversation about girls.
Penny: I had a weird feeling we'd have a talk like this sooner or later. Are you finally fuzz in weird places?
Sheldon: Penny, please. I'm on the horns of a relationship dilemma. And for the record, I had a full pubis of hair by the time I was 19.
Penny: And for the record, bleugh.

Sheldon: See, the core problem is that Amy and Wil do not like each other, which is baffling because they're both crazy about me. And I like them, which indicates they're bright and interesting and/or were on Star Trek.

Penny: Come on, someone insulted your girlfriend and you just let him do it. I thought you Texas guys stood up for your womenfok.
Sheldon: Penny, please. I think I've evolved beyond my simple rustic upbringing.
Penny: Sorry.
Sheldon: On the other hand, that low-down polecat done wronged my woman.

Bernadette: No husband of mine is gonna break his mother's heart!

Sheldon: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun with Flags. Before we get started, I'd like to announce the winner of our design your own flag competition. But I can't. The only entry was from GameyGamer75, and I know that was a jpeg of your buttocks.

Sheldon: Now this week we have a very special episode where we explore the flags of the popular entertainment franchise, Star Trek. And to help me, I'm pleased to introduce Internet personality, former star of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and the only guy I know lucky enough to be immortalized in one sixteenth scale. Set phasers to fun for my friend, Wil Wheaton.

Wil Wheaton: Hi, Sheldon. Thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here.
Amy: Cut.
Sheldon: What's wrong?
Amy: Sorry, Sheldon, you were brilliant as always. Wil, that was a little wooden.
Wil Wheaton: Wooden?
Amy: Don’t worry, it wasn't terrible. Just, this time, try to say it the way people sound.

Sheldon: My friend, Wil Wheaton.
Wil Wheaton: Hi, Sheldon. Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here.
Sheldon: So, Wil, what do you have for us first?
Wil Wheaton: Well, this is an exciting one. This is the flag of the United Federation of Planets. Now what's interesting about this flag-
Amy: Cut.
Wil Wheaton: What was wrong with that?
Amy: It's called Fun with Flags. They're not at half-mast, nobody died. Let's try and keep it upbeat.