Howard: How's that dinner coming?
Bernadette: I just put it in. It's gonna be a while.
Howard: I like rare chicken. Let's do this.
Bernadette: You could die.
Howard: (To Mike) Death by chicken. That's a pretty fowl way to go.

Howard: So, Mrs. Rostenkowski, you took that trip to the Grand Canyon. How was it?
Mrs. Rostenkowski: It was good.
Howard: Had no idea you were the chatty one.

Sheldon: 102.2. Exactly what it was half an hour ago. It's like you're not even trying to get better.
Amy: Sheldon, you don't get over the flu in half an hour.
Sheldon: Well, not with that attitude.

Sheldon: How can you sleep? I'm not done making you feel better. I still have to put a cold rag on your head, sing to you and apply VapoRub to your chest.
Amy: You, you want to rub something on my chest?
Sheldon: Yes. All over it.
Amy: Maybe we should start with that.
Sheldon: Now you're being a responsible patient. Now, you may notice some tingling.
Amy: Oh, I'm counting on it.

Bernadette: Hey, Dad, maybe you could take Howard fishing sometime. Give you guys a chance to get to know each other better.
Howard: No, no. We know each other well enough. He's been talking my ear off all night.

Howard: I've never even been fishing. This is gonna be a disaster.
Raj: If you don't want to look foolish doing something, you should practice. Do you know how many Beef Wellingtons I made by myself before I invited you guys over? I'll give you a hint. You can see them here, here and here.

Penny: Step one, worms.
Howard: Ew!
Penny: Okay, right there, "ew" is one of the things you're not gonna want to say in front of your father-in-law. It's right up there with icky and get it away. Now pick one up.
Howard: Really?
Penny: You're gonna have to do it when you're fishing.
Howard: Okay.
Penny: What are you waiting for?
Howard: I don't know, for them to die of natural causes.
Penny: Just pick up a worm and put him on this hook.

Sheldon: (reading) And the control group displayed significantly fewer genetic abnormalities. But, because of flaws in the experimental design relating to environment and diet, they lived inconclusively ever after. The end.

Bernadette: How's the poor thing?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking.

Sheldon: Uh, I'm going to draw you a soothing bath. Where's your bath thermometer?
Amy: I don't have a bath thermometer.
Sheldon: Fine. Then I'm going to draw you a nerve-wracking bath of indeterminate temperature.

Amy: Okay, okay, here's the deal. I don't need your medicine. I'm not sick.
Bernadette: I don't understand.
Amy: I got better two days ago. It's just been so nice having Sheldon take care of me.
Bernadette: So you've just been lying to him?
Amy: See the stuff in my nose? Rubber cement.
Bernadette: I don't mean to be judgy, but this is the kind of thing lunatics do.

Raj: Mine just took me to his gynecology office. I got so bored, I'd put vaginal lubricant on the bottom of my shoes and pretend I was ice skating.

Sheldon: It hurts that you would lie to me, Amy. I thought our relationship was based on trust and a mutual admiration that skews in my favor.

Sheldon: It pains me to say it, but I think some form of penalty is in order, so as to discourage this type of behavior in the future.
Amy: I suppose that's fair. What do you suggest?
Sheldon: In a perfect world, I'd lock you in a stockade in the public square. That probably requires a permit.
Amy: I could not be allowed to go to the opening of the next Star Trek movie.
Sheldon: Oh, that seems overly harsh. I mean, you gave in to a human weakness, you didn't kill a man.

Howard: So, what do we do now? They expect us to go away for the weekend.
Mike Rostenkowski: Ah. There's an Indian casino near Palm Springs. You know how to shoot craps?
Howard: No, but I'm not a stranger to dice games. I was the Temple Beth-El Hebrew School Yahtzee champion.
Mike Rostenkowski: Mazel tov. I'll teach you how to play.