Raj: Okay. Well, a couple of things. Don't tell them I come from money. I want them to love me for me. They must be insanely hot. Like nines or tens.
Penny: Nines or tens?
Raj: Okay, an eight is acceptable if she's willing to bring another eight to the hot tub.
Bernadette: Bottom line, you'll take any woman who'll have you, right?
Raj: In a New Delhi minute.

Penny: Okay, now holding sides of hearth in position, lower mantelpiece assembly onto top tabs.
Leonard: Look at that! I built a fireplace with my own two hands.
Penny: You're so butch.
Leonard: Aw, I got a little paper cut.
Penny: Of course you did. Your hands are softer than veal.

Leonard: Oh, before I forget, Saturday I'm planning a little Dungeons and Dragons night with the guys.
Penny: Really? That's how you're gonna spend your Saturday night?
Leonard: Oh, come on, I hardly ever get a chance to play anymore.
Penny: Oh, you poor thing. Is having a real-life girlfriend who has sex with you getting in the way of your board games?
Leonard: Little bit, yeah.

Amy: Oh, great! I've always wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons.
Sheldon: Yeah, oh, Im sorry. I should've mentioned this earlier. You're not invited.
Amy: Why not?
Sheldon: Amy, from time to time, we men need to break free from the shackles of civility and get in touch with our primal animalistic selves.
Amy: By rolling dice and playing make-believe with little figurines?
Sheldon: Yeah, like a bunch of savages.

Amy: So, whats the plan? Are we gonna teach our fellas a lesson by getting stinking drunk, luring strange men into the bathroom, and turning the toilet stall into a temple of the senses?
Bernadette: No!
Penny: No!
Amy: Geez, who's Forever 63 now?

Raj: Can we get another bottle of champagne for the table? Don't worry. It's my treat.
Amy: Thanks.
Penny: Wow, you should come to girls' night more often. And not just because if you weren't here, this would be a can of Pabst.

Raj: My pleasure, nothing makes me happier than the chance to spoil a lady. Just ask my dog. My vet says if I give her any more foie gras, she's going to die of gout.

Bernadette: Hey, let's help Raj meet a girl tonight.
Raj: No, no, no, I'm fine.
Penny: Okay, wait, are we talking one-night stand or do we want to get him into a relationship?
Amy: Let's get him laid!

Sheldon: I open the chest.
Leonard: It's locked, but suddenly the door behind you slams shut and now the walls of the room start closing in.
Stuart: That's not good. My character and I both have claustrophobia.

Howard: That was amazing, Sheldon.
Stuart: How did you know that?
Sheldon: It was simple. I combined a well-known historical fact about Bohemia with the memory of my grandparents, Mee-Maw and Pop-Pop, singing Christmas carols while I sat in front of the fire and tried to build a high-energy particle accelerator out of Legos.
Leonard: Okay, continuing our quest.
Sheldon: Wait. There's still four more verses. You don't sing a song and not finish it.
Hither, page, and stand by me, if thou know'st it, telling. Yonder peasant, who is he? Where and what his dwelling? Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost...

Bernadette: Looks like hes doing pretty good.
Penny: Of course he is. Look, that girl just got dumped by her boyfriend. Shes angry, shes drunk, and her favorite movie is Slumdog Millionaire.
Amy: I mean that is some low-hanging fruit.

Penny: So, how'd it go?
Raj: Great. I bought her a couple of drinks, and she gave me her e-mail address.
Penny: Ooh!
Bernadette: Jennifer at not-even-if-you-were-the-last-guy-on-earth-dot-loser.

Raj: Why cant I find someone? I'm smart, I've got a cool job, and my naturally bronzed complexion means I can pull off mustard yellow in a way most guys can't.

Raj: I'm always attracted to women I can't have. I do it all the time. I did the same thing with the two of you.
Amy: The two of them? I don't understand.
Raj: Well, uh, there was a time when I had a thing for Penny, and I thought she was into me, too, because she got drunk and naked and climbed into bed with me. But apparently I misread those signals.
Amy: And you liked Bernadette also?
Raj: That was before Penny. I make it a rule to only fall for one of my friends' girlfriends at a time. I'm very old-fashioned that way.

Amy: So at, uh, some point, you probably had a thing for me, too.
Raj: No, not really.
Penny: Oh, come on, Raj, not even a little bit?
Raj: Not that I can think of.
Bernadette: Think harder.
Raj: Nope. I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. Or in this case, doesn't, I mean, at all.