Sheldon: Keep a lookout. This place is swarming with campus security. They will not hesitate to scold us.
Amy: Freaking pigs.

Sheldon: Well, Howard, thank you. It's quite a gesture on your part. You've shown yourself to be the bigger man.
Howard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Which I found totally unacceptable. I must be the bigger man. Therefore, you may use my spot until such time as I learn to drive or get a Batmobile.

Sheldon: A naked man sat on it. Now, here's my concern, his diet is rich in fatty deli meats. What tests do you have to detect lipid residue?
Store owner: Lipid what?
Sheldon: Lipid residue. An anal autograph. A colon calling card, if you will.

Sheldon: However, the Spider-Man lyrics posit that Spider-Man, Spider-Man does whatever a spider can.
Howard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: I can think of many things Spider-Man can't do that a spider can. One, crawl in your ear and die. Two, legally leave Guatemala without a passport. Three, have sex with a spider.

Howard: Oh, you like to fish?
Mike Rostenkowski: Yes.
Howard: Sure. I can hear it in your voice.
Mrs. Rostenkowski: Oh, if he didn't like it, he wouldn't go.
Howard: You know, I hadn't thought of that.

Leonard: I'm no expert, but I think the hook has to go through the worm.
Howard: Fine. Sorry, Mr. Worm. Sherm. Sherm the Worm.
Penny: Hey, don't name him. Just jab a hook in his face.

Leonard: My dad was an anthropologist. The only father-son time he spent was with a 2,000-year-old skeleton of a Etruscan boy. I hated that kid.

Mike Rostenkowski: Hold up. Bless us, O Lord for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Howard: Took the words right out of my mouth.

Mike Rostenkowski: That's what you're wearing?
Howard: No good? The guy at the sporting goods store said these are what fishermen wear.
Mike Rostenkowski: Maybe in cartoons.

Raj: Anyway, I was thinking we could have a little film festival tonight. The theme, movies that killed their franchises.
Leonard: Oh. Like Jaws 4, Indiana Jones 4, Daredevil 1.
Raj: Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous. I mean, you know a movie's bad when my home-girl Sandy B can't save it.

Sheldon: You know what I like to do when I'm forced to speak with those beneath my intellectual station? I bring up an interesting topic, like the difference between Spider-Man and spiders.
Howard: Thanks, Sheldon. I'll try that with my father-in-law.
Sheldon: No, you can't use that one. That's mine.

Sheldon: Uh, try this one for an ice-breaker. Uh, despite popular lore, there is no place in the continental United States, Alaska or Hawaii from which one can dig straight through the center of the earth and come up in China.
Howard: Great, thank you.
Sheldon: Actually, you can't have that one either. It's too good. Sorry.

Amy: I think I'm too sick to go to the funeral.
Sheldon: You're sick? You poor kid. Well, see ya.
Amy: Sheldon, aren't you gonna take care of me?
Sheldon: Me? No. No, I'm not that kind of doctor.
Amy: But our relationship agreement clearly states that when one of us is sick, the other must take care of them.
Sheldon: Oh, no, I see the confusion. No, the intent behind that clause was to force you to take care of me when I'm ill. When you're feeling better, you'll think that's funny.

Howard: How's that dinner coming?
Bernadette: I just put it in. It's gonna be a while.
Howard: I like rare chicken. Let's do this.
Bernadette: You could die.
Howard: (To Mike) Death by chicken. That's a pretty fowl way to go.

Howard: So, Mrs. Rostenkowski, you took that trip to the Grand Canyon. How was it?
Mrs. Rostenkowski: It was good.
Howard: Had no idea you were the chatty one.