Sheldon: For your information, I was asking her about the next Star Trek movie.
Penny: I can answer that one: I'll be bored.

Leonard: It took him a long time to get comfortable around me, too.
Amy: Really? What did you do?
Leonard: Something terrible in a former life? I don't know.

Sheldon: I don't mean to be rude or discourteous, but before we begin. I'd just like to say there's absolutely no scientific evidence to support clairvoyance of any kind. Which means - and again, no insult intended - you're a fraud, your profession is a swindle, and your livelihood is dependent on the gullibility of stupid people. But again, no offense.

Bernadette: I have to go. Penny ratted me out. FYI, she's getting you a watch for your birthday with money she took out of your wallet.

Raj: Why can't I be in a relationship with a girl who likes The Sound of Music?
Howard: Raj, you are the girl in the relationship who likes The Sound of Music.

Sheldon: Oh, that's a lot of incense. ... Or somebody set a hippie on fire.

Sheldon: If I wanted to waste my time on nonsense, I'd follow Leonard on Instagram.

Leonard: It's Penny.
Amy: Is she mad?
Leonard: It doesn't seem like it. She got Sheldon to go to a psychic with her.
Amy: A psychic? He considers them not only mumbo-jumbo, but extra jumbo mumbo-jumbo.

Leonard: You and I never hang out like this. Why is that?
Amy: I know, it's weird, right?
Leonard: Yeah, we should do it more often.
Amy: Oh, no. I mean this is weird right now.

Howard: Let me get this straight. So, he kills this girl's father, cuts off the guy's face, and is wearing it as a mask while he makes out with her.
Raj: I'm just gonna say it: that's not okay.

Penny: Read.
Sheldon: *Reading fortune cookie* "Your warm and fun-loving nature delights those around you."
Penny: Nope, try again.

Penny: Since you're paying for dinner, I'll let that slide.
Sheldon: Have you ever paid for a meal?
Penny: Not with money.

Penny: Fine, I'll go. *Reads fortune cookie* "People turn to you for guidance and wisdom." Hey, that's a good one.
Sheldon: No, it's not.
Penny: How's it not good?
Sheldon: Turn to you for wisdom? Clearly that cookie is mocking you. ... You'd never hear that sass from a nutterbutter.

Penny: Come on, open it. I bet it says something great.
Sheldon: This is Asian fusion. For all you know there's a tiny chihuahua in there.

Raj: Okay. So in the last twenty minutes we've seen a crazy woman kissing a foetus in a jar. We've seen a guy cut in half and sown to a fish.
Howard: And the brutal dismemberment of a rotisserie chicken by my mother.