Penny: Ooh, this one looks nice.
Leonard: No, Sheldon doesn't like reclaimed wood.
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: He's afraid the original owners will come back.

Leonard: Penny and I are going to go shop for a dining room table. Do you want to come with us?
Sheldon: I'd love to, but I'm too busy falling back in love with Windows 98.
Leonard: Seriously? You haven't used this desk in years. The second I want to get rid of it you're up here working.
Sheldon: I can't talk right now. I have several thousand updates to install.

Sheldon: Hey, Los Angeles. I'm on a ferris wheel with Darth Vader and he's nicer than you think.
James Earl Jones: I am!

Sheldon: I've read that there are great yogis who have such mastery over their bodies that they can draw water in through their genitals.
Penny: Yeah, well I don't think we're gonna get to do that today.
Sheldon: Too bad. It seems like a good way to drink a milkshake without getting brain freeze.

Leonard: Look, if you want to break up just say it.
Penny: Leonard ...
Leonard: No, I take it back, don't say. Just hate me but stay wiht me. It worked for my parents.

Sheldon: I'm going to go inside, put on my cosiest pajamas, curl up with a good book and wait for this nightmare to be over.

Leonard: Wait, you went to a chapel?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: Why?
Penny: We had one of those silly fake weddings.
Leonard: Penny, you know those are real, right?
Penny: No they're not.
Leonard: Yeah, they are.
Penny: No they're not.
Sheldon: He's right.
Amy: They're real.
Penny: But it didn't seem real.
Sheldon: Let me ask you a question. At any point was Las Vegas on its side?

Leonard: Besides, can you even name one romantic thing you've done for me?
Penny: I can name tons.
Leonard: And sex doesn't count.
Penny: Oh.

Penny: Not even the one on the breast feeding crisis?
Leonard: It was not a crisis. Apparently I favored the left one, she got a little lopsided.
Penny: Oh my God, you still go left!

Sheldon: More like Little House of the Prepostorous.

Sheldon: I've been told that a bald refusal of an invitation is rude and one must instead offer up a polite excuse. So, I'd love to but unfortunately that sounds awful.

Sheldon: *On the phone with President Siebert* For your information, I have nine friends. Ten if we include you. ... Nine it is.
Sheldon: It's ten. I'll count Wolowitz.

Sheldon: This is the magic marker I was using when I made the discovery.
Amy: I don't think the Smithsonian is gonna want your marker.
Sheldon: And that's why you're not on my list for the tree fort.

Amy: *knocks* Sheldon, can I come in?
Sheldon: Do you have cookies?
Amy: No.
Sheldon: Good, because I don't deserve cookies. Come in.

Sheldon: This day just keeps on getting worse and worse.
Penny: You know, if it makes you feel any better ...
Sheldon: It probably won't.
Penny: You're probably right.