Leonard: Look, if you want to break up just say it.
Penny: Leonard ...
Leonard: No, I take it back, don't say. Just hate me but stay wiht me. It worked for my parents.

Leonard: Penny and I are going to go shop for a dining room table. Do you want to come with us?
Sheldon: I'd love to, but I'm too busy falling back in love with Windows 98.
Leonard: Seriously? You haven't used this desk in years. The second I want to get rid of it you're up here working.
Sheldon: I can't talk right now. I have several thousand updates to install.

Penny: Ooh, this one looks nice.
Leonard: No, Sheldon doesn't like reclaimed wood.
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: He's afraid the original owners will come back.

Sheldon: You were really going to stand by me against the dining room table?
Amy: Of course I was.
Sheldon: Wait, how do I know you're not manipulating me right now?
Amy: I think if I were manipulating you, you'd be smart enough to see it.
Sheldon: How do I know you're not saying that as part of the manipulation?
Amy: You'd be smart enough to see that too.
Sheldon: Okay. Sorry I gave you such a hard time. I just had to be sure.

Penny: This is so sweet. You never cook for me.
Leonard: Well, you cook for me all the time and eugh.
Penny: If you don't like my cooking, why haven't you ever said anything?
Leonard: Well, it's hard to talk with so much heavy chewing to do.

Raj: First off, know that we love you and cherish you.
Mike Rostenkowski: Well, I wouldn't go -
Bernadette: Daddy.
Mike Rostenkowski: You're great.

Howard: Hey, she's my wife. If anyone's gonna make her feel gross about sex, it's me.

Penny: Come on, let's just get this over with.
Leonard: "Let's just get this over with?" Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory or are we having sex?

Sheldon: I've read that there are great yogis who have such mastery over their bodies that they can draw water in through their genitals.
Penny: Yeah, well I don't think we're gonna get to do that today.
Sheldon: Too bad. It seems like a good way to drink a milkshake without getting brain freeze.

Sheldon: Hey, Los Angeles. I'm on a ferris wheel with Darth Vader and he's nicer than you think.
James Earl Jones: I am!

Leonard: And you were so good in the commercial.
Penny: It was for haemorrhoid cream.
Leonard: And I got itchy and swolen just watching you.

Bernadette: Anyway, it'll be a nice surprise for the boys. And Howie doesn't think I take his interests seriously, so hopefully this will keep him fooled for a while.

Sheldon: When Darth Vader struck down Obi-Wan, did Luke cry like a baby and go to his funeral?
Penny: No. He blew up the death star. ... Why do I know this?

Arthur: This is weird. Most of my robes open in the back.

Amy: Did you watch Professor Proton when you were a kid?
Bernadette: No. My dad controlled the TV, so unless someone was a Texas Ranger, Jake or the Fat Man, we didn't see it.