Sheldon: I just threw up on a whole lot of clowns.

Sheldon: I never told you about my brother's kidney stones. Do you want hear about everything that comes out of my family's genitals?

Sheldon: Well, she's due to tomorrow. But it did take her six years to finish high school, so who knows.

Penny: (On the phone) No, Dad. I don't think they cut me out of the show because I was too pretty. No, I don't need you to come out and kick Mark Harmon's ass.

Raj: How are you going to get James Earl Jones?
Sheldon: Simple. Earlier today he tweeted that he's looking forward to going to his favorite Sushi restaurant for dinner. I googled an interview from four years ago, which was conducted in his favorite Sushi restaurant and that's where he'll be. And that's where I'm going. And that's -
Howard: And that's where Darth Vader is going to pour soy sauce on your head.

Raj: Being an astrophysicist right now is like being a rock star.
Howard: Only without the sex.
Raj: Yeah, literally none of it.

Bernadette: This is pretty cool. You don't see too many spherical cakes.
*The cake rolls off the table*
Amy: I wonder why that is.

Sheldon: How many women have you had dates with?
Raj: Eleven.
Sheldon: How many of those women did you think would become your perfect companion?
Raj: Eleven.
Raj: Wait, do I count the 200lb Sailor Moon girl that Howard and I had a threesome with at Comic-Con?
Sheldon: Sure.
Raj: I'll stick with eleven. She liked Howard better.

Bernadette: She's just so impossible, they keep quitting.
Sheldon: So who's watching her now?
Howard: A bowl full of M&Ms with a few Ambien tossed in.

Penny: Okay, what happened between you and Amy?
Sheldon: Can you believe she said I embarrassed her?
Penny: Yeah.

Leonard: Since when can Koothrappali talk in front of the girls without a beer?
Bernadette: Oh, it happened just after you left.
Leonard: And no one told me?
Howard: (Emotionally) I can't believe we forgot to tell him.
Penny: *Hands Howard the Vagisil coupon* Think of Sheldon when you apply it.

Sheldon: Look at her, desperately wishing she was over her at the cool table.
[Cut to Amy laughing with her colleagues at another table]
Sheldon: Don't worry little moth, the flame will come to you.

Penny: What else would you love? Other than being lifted over Patrick Swayze's head.
Raj: Oh, you could stand outside with a boombox in the air.
Penny: That's from "Say Anything".
Raj: Look, I'm a lonely guy. I watch a lot of movies.

Leonard: Are you set on people laughing WITH you? Because if you're cool with AT you ...
Sheldon: I don't get it.

Penny: This is really sad, and in a different way than it was twenty minutes ago.