Amy: Hello, Mr. Rat Brain. Not so bitey without the rest of the rat to back us up, are we?

Zack: It's my fault. I was a terrible husband. I was never around.

Bernadette: Howie, the estrogen is getting absorbed by your skin. That's why you've been all bloated, moody and a giant pain in the ass.

Raj: And does Sheldon know you're dating Sheldon?
Amy: (To Raj) I'm sorry, who are you dating?
Raj: Yeah, knock it off, Howard.

Stuart: When I was a baby, my mother called me her little possum.
Raj: Are possums cute?
Stuart: Not at all.

Arthur: Appreciate them, Sheldon.

Penny: How do you not tear off his clothes and take him right here on this table?
Sheldon: If you do that I'll scream.

Raj: As I'm sure you're aware the quickest way to a man's heart is through his -
Penny: Pants. But Leonard said sex doesn't count.
Raj: You poor thing. You have one arrow in your quiver and you just can't use it.

Leonard: The math is all there. It's not real.
Penny: Yes, it is.
Sheldon: Look, it's scientifically impossible for a person to tip a cow. Even you with your stocky build and lumberjack shoulders.

Sheldon: Where is this going? Are you two ever getting married? And if so, where will we all live? Have you thought about that?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Penny?
Penny: Okay, wait, what are we doing?
Leonard: For some reason we're planning a future where we both live with Sheldon for ever.

Sheldon: Amy pointed out you were only trying to manipulate me.
Amy: Which you also figured out by yourself.
Sheldon: Which I also figured out by myself!

Sheldon: Well, I've had a lot on my plate. We happen to live in a golden age of television.

Sheldon: I'm quite familiar with plumbing. Not to brag, but I spent most of fifth grade with my head in a toilet.

Sheldon: I let you buy feminine hygiene products with my supermarket clubcard. Do you have any idea the kind of coupons I'm going to get in the mail now?

Raj: What is wrong with you, Penny? You ruined any chance I had of getting back with Lucy. Now she knows I'm a desperate mess instead of being pretty sure.
Raj: *Checks his phone* It's Lucy. She wants to meet for coffee. I LOVE YOU PENNY!