Howard: What's going on?
Bernadette: Maybe you should have a seat.
Howard: I know my mom's not dead, there'd be balloons.

Sheldon: Nine years, eleven months and three weeks ago, he followed that up replacing the slides for my lecture with photographs of nude fat women bending over.
Amy: Really?
Howard: The lecture was on cosmic gas clouds.
Raj: I was there. It was funny!

Raj: Amy, I could use some help.
Amy: Let me guess. There's an undergrad in a leather jacket snapping his fingers by the water fountain.

Sheldon: How can we ever hope to have a healthy relationship if I don't tell her how disappointed I am and how I'll never forgive her.

Penny: Well, my beer isn't flat and my rack's not saggy, so far the future's great.

Raj: You're a good friend. I'll owe you one.
Mrs. Wolowitz (off-screen): Howard, help me get out of the tub!
*Howard looks at Raj*
Raj: Not that one!

Sheldon: When Obi-Wan came to Luke on this very spot, he gave him all sorts of helpful advice. So what have you got for me?
Arthur: Uhmm ... Always get a pre-nup.

Sheldon: You tracked my phone?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Boy, you chase one balloon for three miles.
Penny: We were worried about you.
Sheldon: Don't be melodramatic. I'm just getting on a train and leaving for ever.

Leonard: You know he can't take a trip like this by himself.
Penny: He's a grown man.
Leonard: No, he looks like a grown man. You've seen Freaky Friday, sometimes little kids end up in big person bodies.

Bernadette: How do I put this? She's been known to call you a name that usually applies to a lady part. Or a cat, or a willow.
Leonard: I can't believe she would say that about me.
Bernadette: If you're gonna cry about it there's tissues in my purse. Unless you got some in yours, big willow.

Sheldon: I would throw a quick slant to a wide out, given that the defense is showing blitz.
Howard: Oh, I love a good blitz especially with sour cream.
Howard: Get it? Because it sounds like blintz.
Mrs. Wolowitz Did someone say blintz?

Amy: I'm just really glad you're back.
Sheldon: Me too. I've got a lot of TV to catch up on.

Sheldon: You want some mutton and coconut milk?
Amy: No.
Sheldon: Boy I can not give this stuff away.

Raj: I don't call anyone a whore, and the only time I use the phrase "my bitch", I'm referring to you (Howard).

Sheldon: First, talking to you while you're on the toilet isn't exactly a picnic for me either. Remember, when you can hear me, I can hear you.