Sheldon: I don't know about you but I'm very uncomfortable about this.
Amy: Why?
Sheldon: I've never seen this show before, and now I'm starting with episode 246. It's unnatural.
Amy: Just think of the first 245 as the prequel.
Sheldon: All right.

Sheldon: Oh, this again. So Penny proposed, you didn't say yes, and now you think you may have lost her love forever. How does this compare to me being forced to relax for a few days?
Leonard: It doesn't!
Sheldon: Thank you.

Penny: Great, because I've been thinking if I really want this acting thing to work, I need to focus all my energy on it. And to do that, I should quit waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: Wow, that's a big step.
Penny: I know.
Leonard: So before making any rash decisions.
Penny: I already quit.
Leonard: And I support you!

Penny: I called them. The part's gone. They gave it to someone else. Now some girl's going to get discovered and get famous, and go on Letterman and talk about how she got her big break on some cheap monkey movie all because some dumb girl though it was beneath her.
Leonard: At least they talk about you on Letterman.

Amy: I think it might be fun to be someone else tonight.
Raj: Actually, you're all just going to be yourselves.
Amy: Oh, uck.

Raj: Fate has given me a rare second chance and I swear to Vishnu that I'm not going to blow it. ... Or normal words followed by a charming smile.

Sheldon: I suppose I could see myself in a scientific boyband. Of course I'd be the dreamy one and the smart one.

Leonard: Great. What do you want to do?
Sheldon: I don't know. What do you want to do?
Penny: I don't know. What do you want to do?
Leonard: I'm starting to remember the problem with Anything Can Happen Thursdays.

Psychic: Your spirit guides are telling me there's a woman in your life you're having problems with.
Sheldon: That's an easy guess. I'm clearly an annoying person. I have trouble with both genders.
Psychic: Yes, you clearly are.

Professor Proton: This is something interesting, boys and girls. After an owl eats, he spits up part of his meal, that he can't digest, in the form of a pellet. Isn't that a hoot?

Raj: So you have tattoos?
Emily: Yeah.
Raj: I don't. I have a hole in my belly button that may or may not have been a piercing.
Emily: That's cool.
Raj: It's a piercing.

Leonard: I'm your son. What about the fact that she's good enough for me?
Beverly Hofstadter: *blank shrug* Sure.

Amy: And this is Dr. Gundersen from Stockholm.
Sheldon: Ah, Sweden. Home of my favorite Muppet and second-favorite meatball.
*Dr. Gundersen and Amy look blankly at Sheldon*
Sheldon: Okay, the Nordic reputation for a lack of humor is well founded. Boy, is his name Gundersen or No-fun-dersen?

Sheldon: Here comes the Embarrassment Express. It stops at Fraudville, Wonder-Blunder-Berg and Kansas City, because it's a hub.

Howard: I'm serious. Go to the mall, talk to anybody. Practice. That way when you eventually do talk to a cute girl, it won't be so scary.
Bernadette: Or just keep dating the possum.