Penny: That would really piss me off if I didn't have a buzz going on.

Penny: Amy, it's Penny. Hey. Just a little heads up, Leonard bought a dining room table. Yeah, Sheldon's breaking up with you.

Stuart: I don't mean to be rude, Sheldon, but my life is kinda falling apart right now.

Sheldon: If my apples are mealy, we can hit the supermarket for one last blowout. I'll even let you push the trolley.

Leonard: I'm going to hit the head. That's what us salty sea dogs say when we have to go pee-pee.

Sheldon: You say you're from New Jersey, but how do I know?
Leonard: Who would lie about being from New Jersey?

Sheldon: Alright, I'm mad at you. Not only did you ruin Raiders for me, you might have ruined the whole franchise. Except for the fourth one, which was bad before you got your mitts on it.

Howard: He has so little self respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.
Raj: He's right. But in my defense, if we could survive that, we could survive anything.

Sheldon: Fine, I'll go. But if her food is delicious, Thanksgiving is ruined and it's on you.

Raj: So Star Trek and Star Wars characters can go on the same branch?
Leonard: I know, it's crazy. Welcome to the Thunderdome, people!

Howard: T-60 seconds.
Raj: Oh, it all comes down it this.
Leonard: I've got butterflies!
Sheldon: Don't get soft on me, Hofstadter. I will slap those glasses right off your face.

Penny: That's a whole lot of weird before cofee.

Raj: Aw, I have to go to the bathroom so bad.
Sheldon: Every year, I told you wear a diaper.
Raj: I told you I get diaper rash!

Leonard: Does it at least pay well?
Penny: Less than I made at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: What does your agent think?
Penny: She's thinking of taking a job at the Cheesecake Factory.

Penny: Come on. Anything can happen. We could push him down the stairs!