Amy: Here, I made you some Strawberry Quik.
Sheldon: I have real problems here, Amy. I can't be mollified with a beverage designed for children. *Takes a sip* Mmm, yummy.

Leonard: It's nice that you called them esteemed.
Sheldon: You're right, I'll take that out.

Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Hi, mom. I have some exciting news.
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm listening.
Leonard: Before I tell you, will you promise to try and be happy for me and keep any concerns you have to yourself?
Beverly Hofstadter: No.

Penny: He'll be okay. You taught him well, Padawan.
Sheldon: Good Lord. Padawan is the student, not the teacher.
Penny: Seriously, let him go.

Sheldon: I thought that subject had run its course, so I changed it. It's called reading the room, Amy.

Sheldon: Thanks for coming with me.
Raj: Thanks for inviting me when everyone else said no.

Leonard: So I'm like a bran muffin?
Penny: What? No, that's not what I'm saying.
Leonard: No, that's exactly what you're saying. I'm the boring thing you're choosing because I'm good for you.
Penny: What does it matter? I'm choosing you.
Leonard: It matters a lot. I don't want to be a bran muffin. I want to be a cinnabon, a strawberry pop tart. Something you're excited about, even if it could give you diabetes.
Penny: Sweetie, you can be any pastry you want.

Raj: But before I take my shirt off, I need like ten minutes to do some crunches.

Howard: Would you like me to play some Polish music while you carry her to the toilet?
Bernadette: You are a putz.
Howard: As advertised.

Sheldon: Have you had intercourse?
Raj: No.
Sheldon: Well stick to your guns. There'll be a lot of pressure.

Howard: The doctor says you've got to get exercise.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I get plenty of exercise.
Howard: Crushing my will to live isn't exercise!

Sheldon: How many women have you had dates with?
Raj: Eleven.
Sheldon: How many of those women did you think would become your perfect companion?
Raj: Eleven.
Raj: Wait, do I count the 200lb Sailor Moon girl that Howard and I had a threesome with at Comic-Con?
Sheldon: Sure.
Raj: I'll stick with eleven. She liked Howard better.

Raj: Aren't you going to get 3D glasses?
Sheldon: I brought my own. No sense in risking "bridge of nose Herpes".
Raj: Is that a real thing?
Sheldon: Well, until they invent nose condoms, I'm not finding out.

Raj: Wouldn't you be upset if you saw Amy out with someone else?
Sheldon: Can't happen. We have an iron-clad relationship agreement which precludes her from sexual contact with anyone other than me.
Raj: But you don't have sex with her either.
Sheldon: Slick, huh?

Raj: If she isn't going to use it, why are we doing this?
Howard: She'll use it. All I need is to rig it with a fishing pole and a honey-baked ham.