Penny: *Discourteously hands Howard a bottle of wine* Here, thank you for having us.
Howard: What's the matter with you?
Leonard: Oh, she's mad at me because she just found out she's married to Zack.
Howard: Really? That dumb ass you used to date? That's hysterical!
Penny: I can't believe I felt bad for opening this in the car.

Mike Rostenkowski: I've kept my marriage together for 35 years. Can I weigh in here?
Leonard: Sure.
Mike Rostenkowski: I'm trying to watch the game. Shut up.

Bernadette: Raj, when you said you were going to bring a date to watch Penny's thing tonight, I didn't think you meant Stuart.
Howard: Really? I never for a second thought it'd be anything else.

Sheldon: I've been studying how to make people laugh. They say comedy is tragedy plus time. *Looks at his watch and gets up* Let's tickle some ribs!

Sheldon: Do not stop refreshing your screens.
*The guys all clicks repeatedly*
Penny: Oh, this is not going to be enough coffee.

Raj: I'll point out her name's Yvette and that she's a vet. That's hysterical! She'll love it.

Penny: Oh, please. When I first met you, you were incapable of touching another human being. Now you're holding hands, going on dates, you even made out with her on a train.
Sheldon: She told you?
Penny: Of course she told me. It's the most interesting thing that's ever happened to her in her entire life.

Mike Massimino: You know how astronauts need to have the right stuff?
Howard: Sure.
Mike Massimino: The stuff you have is wrong.

Sheldon: To this day I still get a monthly copy of "Granny on Granny". Which other than its surprisingly fun puzzle page is complete filth.

Bernadette: You excited for Texas?
Sheldon: Oh, very much so.
Howard: It's not everyday you get to tour NASA with a real astronaut.
Sheldon: Ohh, who's the real astronaut?
Howard: ... Buzz Aldrin.
Sheldon: Oh, yay!

Leonard: That was Wil. He's feeling a lot better. Apparently he's twelve down in the TV Guide crossword puzzle.

Sheldon: Do you think he's right? Am I wasting my life on a theory that can't be proved?
Howard: Maybe. But how great is Game of Thrones?

Bernadette: How's your soup?
Howard: It's all right. They could have filled the bowl a little more.
*Raj and Emily start laughing*

Leonard: Hey, how about we bring back Anything Can Happen Thursdays?
Penny: That's good. Why'd you guys stop doing that?
Leonard: You made fun of us. Said it was stupid.
Penny: Yeah, sounds like me.

Sheldon: Got it! There's a live action role playing group that meets every Thursday night in Griffith park, and re-enacts battles from Lord of the Rings.
Penny: Okay, tell me more about this calzone idea.