Howard: I was just thinking about my mom and how sad my childhood was.
Bernadette: Yeah, I bet it sucked. I'm gonna take a bath and you do the dishes.
Howard: How about I take a bath with you? See what happens?
Bernadette: Here's what's going to happen: I'm going to take a bath, you're gonna do the dishes.
Howard: That's it? No compassion?
Bernadette: "Aww, poor Howie". We good? I'm going to take a bath.

Raj: Attention all shoppers, my business is open for business!

Stuart: That's right, ladies. For all you know, I'm confident and fun to be around.

Stuart: Aw man, if I'd started this years ago I'd be divorced two or three times by now.

Amy: I love Little House. It made me want to live on a farm so much I tried to milk my cat. That tangy bowl of Cheerios was not worth the stitches.

Sheldon: If I'd known this was about time travel, I'd have watched this much sooner.

Sheldon: More like Little House of the Prepostorous.

Sheldon: Alright, I'm mad at you. Not only did you ruin Raiders for me, you might have ruined the whole franchise. Except for the fourth one, which was bad before you got your mitts on it.

Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Mom?
Beverly Hofstadter: I understand you have been whining about my parenting in order to emotionally manipulate your girlfriend.

Penny: Bernadette told me everything. Now you don't get the left or the right.

Beverly: Let's discuss why you continue to involve me in your sex life.
Leonard: Oh, please no mommy. No mommy.
Beverly: When you were six years old, you walked in on me and your father naked. I was swatting his bottom with your brand new ping-pong paddle.
Leonard: I didn't dream that!?
Beverly: How did that make you feel?

Raj: In the last hour 162 people have read our profiles. How many of them have sent us messages?
Stuart: Combined?
Raj: Yes.
Stuart: Zero.

Stuart: I don't think I've ever felt so rejected. And I had a rescue dog that ran back to the pound!

Raj: If you want to solve the mystery of who stabbed Koothrappali in the back with a weapon of indifference, it was all of you!

Sheldon: I'm sorry, are we really doing this? Or are we tricking him again like with the dinner party?