Wil Wheaton: For those of you listening at home. How great is this?

Penny: Oh, sweetie, you should really get some money.

Leonard: Hang on, if you're making all this money, where is it?
Penny: In a safe place.
Leonard: What does that mean, under your bed?
Penny: No, it means a diversified portfolio of stocks and bonds. I'm not overly conservative. I'm young, so my guy said I can afford to take some risks.
Leonard: Wait a minute, you have "a guy"?
Penny: Don't you have a guy?
Leonard: Why would I have a guy?! I don't have any money!

Howard: Hey, I threw out the first pitch at an Angels game.
Josh: Wow.
Bernadette: He did it with a robot.
Josh: You had sex with a robot?
Howard: That's not what she meant.
Raj: But technically, yes.

Josh: I've always dreamed of having a brother to play catch with.
Bernadette: Keep dreaming.

Howard: I'm surprised you could hear me with this Thin Mint in your ear! *takes a Thin Mint from behind Josh's ear* Yeah, pretty cool, huh?
Josh: Yeah. Anyway, I should probably get going.
Bernadette: Howie, have you noticed how often people say that when you start to do magic?

Amy: What are we doing? This is a fort. Let's sit on the floor.
Sheldon: Roughing it? Okay. *sits on floor. Gasps* Everything looks so big from down here. This must be how Leonard feels.

Amy: Amazing.
Sheldon: I know. This isn't the printout. This is my real face.

Amy: Can I come in?
Sheldon: Yes, oh, but enter through the side. Batman is a load-bearing blanket.

Leonard: I went to school for half my life. I have a doctorate. I'm still paying off college loans.
Penny: Well, how much do you owe? Maybe I can help you out.
Leonard: Wil, can we just turn off the podcast for a little bit?
Wil Wheaton: For those of you at home, I am shaking my head "no."

Penny: Okay, instead of protecting me, why don't you try being excited when something good happens?
Leonard: I'm always excited for you. I'm excited that you found this new job where you're making decent money.
Penny: Decent? I make twice what you make.
Leonard: Wait, twice?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: Like times two, twice?

Kevin Smith: Oh, I'm hanging up now.
Wil Wheaton: Don't you listen to him, buddy. You're awesome. You're one of the greatest directors of our time.
Kevin Smith: I don't have a part for you, Wheaton.

Penny: What is the harm if I audition?
Leonard: Well, what if you get it?
Penny: I don't know, I make a movie, we could become rich and famous, win an Oscar, a Golden Globe and live an incredibly wonderful life.
Leonard: From a Kevin Smith movie?

Leonard: *to Wil Wheaton* Give me back that juice.

Josh: I can't believe my brother's an astronaut. That's amazing. What was it like?
Raj: Listen, dude, it's time for you to hit the road.
Howard: Hey, hey, the young man asked a good question.